Vietnam Trip

how wonderful that you got to spend all that time just soaking up another culture. i knew you were going and recall feeling a tad envious. in any case, i look forward to what you have to say regarding your trip! welcome back to the california. evangeline from whitman high school

Introduction

I am reviewing my post of 07-09-2004. When I wrote that I would need some time to edit my material and "...think about what I have written..." I had no idea that the process would be so difficult. Dead lines are important for me. If I didn't have them I would go on revising into the year 2005 and miss the important opportunity of receiving your critical comments.

My good fortune has permitted me to visit many parts of the world. Each journey has changed me, caused me to see myself in a new light, or to view the world with a different perspective. This trip caught me completely unawares. In one sense it snuck quietly up from behind and emotionally clobbered me. It has brought tangible changes in my life and will continue to change me in ways that I can only imagine.

Because of the personal nature of the trip I will disguise the last name (which in Vietnam comes first) of the family that I stayed with. Let's call them Nguyen. First names (which in Vietnam come last) will remain intact because they signify many. The small town where I stayed is somewhere near Hanoi in northern Vietnam, I will call it Go Dau. It is a pleasant small town with a labyrinth of narrow streets at its core. Most streets are lined with trees, which in many places reach from one side to the other forming a continuous canopy. To my knowledge it possesses not one tourist attraction and therefore I saw not one tourist during my three-week's residence.

A simple invitation to visit Vietnam initiated my journey. My friend Thang and I worked at the same location for about a year. He was born in Vietnam and immigrated to the United States with his family when he was four years old and is now twenty-five. He visited Vietnam for the first time about four years ago and talked about making another trip in the future. Over time his plans for a return trip solidified. He invited me and others to visit him during his stay in the summer of 2004. I had vacation time in July so I made plans to meet him there. Before our departures we talked about a stay in Go Dau with his family and travel together to various parts of Vietnam he had never seen. My only fixed plan was to purchase an air ticket spanning about one month, obtain a Vietnamese visa for one month, and make my way to Go Dau.

In the backgound I prepared for my usual mode of travel. I purchased an up to date guidebook, in this case, The Rough Guide to Vietnam by Jan Dodd and Mark Lewis, 4th edition published in 2003. I often work my way through a country from one tourist attraction to the next with the help of my guidebook. This plan had worked well in Indonesia, Thailand, India, Morocco, Costa Rico and Peru.

A few days after my arrival in Go Dau it was clear that Thang was not up for travel. As the son of the oldest male and the second oldest sibling on his father's side of the family he was a person of considerable status. In the future his status on the father's side of the family would only grow. Thang felt that he needed to solidify his ties to all his family living in Go Dau, his older uncles and aunts as well as their children who were his age. Also, he wanted to improve his communication skills in Vietnamese. He could not understand much of the everyday conversation around him because his Vietnamese ability reached about the level of a middle school student.

Thang knew that I enjoyed traveling about, but he put the following argument to me quite convincingly. He said that next summer I could travel to Vietnam, follow a guidebook, and go anywhere I pleased. On the other hand, while he was in Go Dau I would have the unusual opportunity to experience the daily life of his extended family along with him. This encounter would be available to no causal visitor or tourist.

Thang also knew that my life views and experiences contrasted sharply with his and suggested as much. I am the only child of only children and therefore have no one close relative. He has eleven aunts and uncles just on his father's side of the family. And then you have to include all the nieces, nephews, and cousins. While I was growing up my parents always lived isolated, and self-contained lives. My parents always sought out the edge of town. My father was a wage earner. Most of Tang?s family in Vietnam are in business and live in the middle of town. Their business lives intertwine and interlock. Family members constantly wonder from house to house, take an afternoon nap wherever, sleep over anywhere. In all my childhood I can count on one hand the times when anyone slept over at our house. Every night of my stay in Go Dau, Thang's room always had overnight visitors; often it was full to overflowing. Here was my chance to live a radically different life style.

Finally, he said that if I stayed I would experience a variety and quality of Vietnamese home cooking that simply could not be purchased if I ate at Vietnamese restaurants. We would be eating lunch and dinner at a different locations daily. Even he could not get this quality of food at home in the US because the fresh ingredients were not available and his hard working mother did not have the time to prepare it. I thought of school cafeteria meals and my one-pot attempts at home. I was convinced. I would stay.

During my stay in Go Dau only Thang and Giang spoke fluent English. I cannot thank them enough for all their effort to help me understand and appreciate my surroundings. Since they were my only informants my journal will often express their views on various topics.

In Go Dau, Thang's uncles and aunts live in two clusters. One set gathers on Hgo Quyen Street and the other gathers at 46 Tuy An Street. One uncle lives out of town. I have included a list of all Thang's uncles and aunts and some of their children. They are listed in birth rank order from oldest to youngest. I have included only those names that figure in my narrative. The listing is by no means complete. If I list an uncle or aunt's name in the narrative I will try to include their birth rank.

Each day of my stay in Vietnam will appear as a separate post. I have given each entry a title to give it focus, and at the end I have included two or three questions that a teacher may ask students. I thought the questions might be useful if a teacher were using my journal as a resource in the classroom. I would appreciate any comments readers may have along this line. Enjoy.
[Edit by="rwalcott on Sep 9, 11:15:18 PM"][/Edit]

Nguyen Clan

1. Van
Jewelry and money changing shop at residence on 35 Ly St. near Hoan.
Husband: Minh; Chinese origin.
Son: Huyen.

2. Hung
Lives in US.
Injured in war.
Wife: Chinese origin; forced move to US.
Son: Thang; teacher.
Daughter: Thu; Starting fashion business.
Built house at 46 Ngo Quyen St. three years ago; called ?home? in journal.
Residence main gathering place for Nguyen clan.

3. Nga
Residence 42 Ngo Quyen St. near Thang?s.
Husband has no particular job.
Daughter: Tran Anh; in school; did hair wash twice.

4. Viet
Died in war.

5. Hien
Older twin.
Watch store in main market.
Gift store at residence; has narrow entrance.
Wife's leg healing.
Son: Hiep; working.

6. Hao
Younger twin.
Another watch store in main market.
Kitchen utensils store at residence at 40 Ngo Quyen St. tended by wife.
Daughter: Giang; University student; Thang?s favorite niece.
Son: Thien; student.

7. Vinh
Lives in Germany.
Son: Duc; Thang's favorite nephew; works in Hanoi.


8. Cuong
Lives out of town in Thanh Hoa.
Son: Manh; student: stays in town at 46 Ngo Quyen St.
Daughter: Hang: student.


9. Phu
Drives push cycle.
Family disconnected from the Nguyen clan.
I never visited residence.


10. Oanh
Aunt worked in Germany seven years.
Returned permanently while I was in Go Dau.
Moved into third floor at 46 Ngo Quyen St.


11. Tuan
Lives on second floor at 46 Ngo Quyen St.
Couple in catering business.
Father of young wins.
Wife pregnant and will have a girl after I leave.

12. Tu
Lives on first floor at 46 Ngo Quyen St.
Operates reproduction store on Ngo Quyen St.
Wife runs restaurant at the front of the building.
Daughter: Young; student; kicked Victor in the jaw.

13. Hoan
Hairdresser shop at residence at 46 Tuy An St.
Shop 2nd gathering place for Nguyen clan (Van, Hien, Hao, Huyen).
Plans to set up plastic surgery on upper floor of residence.
Thang thinks he may have the best business sense of the Go Dau Nguyens.
Has young boy and girl.

Huyen
Manufactures jewelry.
Son of Van
Oldest cousin,
Lives down the street from Hoan at 21 Tuy Hoa St.

June 28-9.doc

Beginnings

It's very early Monday morning in La Canada, California. I have had all weekend to pack and get ready for my trip to Vietnam. Last Sunday night I ran out of time. Now I must accept the fact that some of my plants will dry out and die before my I return. It's the same old story. Something is always left unfinished by he time I must depart.

Also, it's the same old story about avoiding too much luxury on trips. I have decided to take the regular bus to the airport rather than pay the expense of door-to-door service. I find the price differential too seductive; eighty-five cents compared with $30 or $40 dollars. The only catch is that I must walk one mile down the hill from my house to the bus stop on Foothill Blvd. and Angeles Crest Hwy. My baggage is restricted to one small backpack. And finally, I must leave at 5:45 am arrive at LAX by 10:30 am check in. I am late and jog down the highway to meet the bus at 6:15. I arrive out of breath and sweaty. The bus pulls up early at 6:06. I?m glad I ran and on my way. I also know that I'm over weight and out of shape; I've know this for two year now. Didn't I tell myself to finally do something about my condition in March?

I take Beeline #3, transfer to bus 91 in Montrose and arrive at Olympic and Main downtown and wait for the LAX bus. After a 20 minute wait I see the bus approaching my stop, I wave, and it speeds on by. What has just happened? How soon with the next bus arrive? Will I miss my flight?

Another bus pulls up and I explain what happened. The driver, a woman, explains that today drivers are rotated to new routes and perhaps the driver is not familiar with all the stops that he must make. She offers to let me ride with her and she tries to catch the LAX bus. It is too far ahead and she lets me off at a stop where the next bus that I want must slow down and stop. I wait impatiently, the LAX bus does arrive and I make it to the airport with plenty of time to check in, walk around and catch my Japan Airlines flight. I ride economy class and do not expect too much service. I am wrong. All the passengers are fussed over during the entire trip to Japan. The food is wonderful. After a short wait in Japan I catch the connecting flight to Saigon.

Before my arrival I worry about three things. First, through a lack of communication I am landing in Saigon in the south of Vietnam rather than in Hanoi in the North. My pricipal destination is northern Vietnam where I have been invited to stay with the family of my friend Thang. I have not definitively decided whether I will make the long journey north by air, by train, or by bus. Second, my guidebook advises me to have a little Vietnamese money in my pocket for use to travel from the airport into town. I have tried to buy some Vietnamese Dong, but can find no one who sells it. Third, I will be arriving in a strange city at 11:00 pm when it could be dangerous. I need transport for the seven miles between the airport and district one where I hope to find economical lodging.

I disembark, walk toward the exit of the Saigon airport and see that two of my thee problems will be solved. There, near the exit door is a small cubical of the National Bank which is open and offering a good exchange rate, a little more that 15,000 Dong for one Dollar. Nearby is a car rental service and the woman in charge offers to sell me a fixed price taxi coupon for $4, which is good for the trip into town. I buy the coupon.
I quickly discover how very tired and vulnerable I am when another clerk brings my attention to the floor beside me. My entire wad of Dong worth $100 lies scattered at my feet. Embarrassed, I pick it up, check once more to see if my paints pockets are secured, and exit into the night.

The army of voracious taxi drivers ready to attack me does not materialize. One diver steps forward, examines my coupon, and directs me to the taxi I will take. Again my guide book has warned me that the taxi driver will offer to take me to a hotel of his choice, one where he will receive a tip for bringing me there. My taxi driver does make a suggestion, but I kindly insist that I want to be driven to Pham Ngu Lao Street, a location were most budget travelers find lodgings. Without further discussion he complies with my request.

I?m exhausted by the long flight and choose the first hotel, the Song Hai, 185/4 Pham Ngu Lao, that I see. It is located up a small alley. The proprietress speaks little English, but she is very cheerful and playful. She pats me and pinches me and I start assuming things that I should not. I find out later on my return from the north that she is very playful, outgoing, and quite a delight. She says that the room will be $5 (why did I bother to change money?) that it is on the first floor, that I must walk through a very dark kitchen to get to it, and that it has no outside window. I?m exhausted. I take it and fall immediately asleep.

Questions:
Just before you leave on a trip are you or your family organized or disorganized before leaving on a trip?
Do you or members of your family worry about problems you may encounter on your trip prior to departure?

[Edit by="rwalcott on Sep 9, 11:20:16 PM"][/Edit]

July 30.doc

First Days

I'm asleep in a dark room with no window. I have no idea of the time. Earlier I heard the doorbell ring and a short conversation. It must be morning. Yes, it is! I can see daylight from my room through a dark kitchen and into the far front room where the hotelkeeper sleeps on a cot. I get ready and head for the door. Before I leave she shows me a room one flight up with a window. It's the same price as my dark cave room, $5 (I will find that hotel rooms prices are often quoted in dollars to me). I guess it pays to ask to see other rooms in the hotel when checking in. I already know this from my previous travel experiences, but I was so very tired last night.

Luck is with me. I walk outside into a narrow alley, turn the nearest corner into a main street (Pham Ngu Lao), and find a travel agent, Saigon Tourist Travel Service Co., 187 Pham Ngu Lao St., who sells an open tour (you can got on and off the bus at specific points (Saigon-Muine-Nha Trong-Hoi an-Hue-Hanoi) for $21 (later when I return to Saigon and have time to explore I find another travel agent selling a similar trip for $19), and the bus leaves in 15 minutes.

While I am waiting I meet a Frenchman, Michael, who lives on Pho Quoc Island. He calls it a paradise. He lives there with his wife who just had a successful operation. He is in his 70's and we barely have a tea and the bus is ready to leave. But it doesn't. It only manages to abruptly and rudely end my interesting conversation with Michael. It drives in circles around the narrow, congested streets looking for passengers. The operator is not happy. The bus is not full.

Finally, we get out of Saigon's District One and head along the Saigon River. But, without warning the bus pulls over and waits. I think the driver says that the bus is broken and it's not going to take us further. For sure the air conditioning is not working because the bus becomes very hot and stuffy. Air conditioning problems will frequent later bus rides. Trips will start with air con that gives out during the journey.

Finally, the bus starts foreword again with windows open and no air conditioning. I guess a replacement bus was not available. It's a pleasant ride; everything is new to me. Particularly fascinating are the top story fancy decorated (facade-gardens-sitting?) rooms atop many multistoried homes. There seems to be a wide variety of designs for this top room.

We arrive at Mui-ne and many passengers get off. It looks like a nice beach. Right across from the bus station and restaurant four guys are kite surfing. I have never seen this sport before. It looks like fantastic fun. The sail construction is quite ingenious. It is quite amazing how the sail splashes into the water only to rise again to pull the rider along again at quite a rapid speed through the water.

We get to Nha Trang as the sun sets. The bus goes first to the bus office where I must make my onward reservation, but suddenly a stranger gets on the bus and blocks the exit. Instead of letting us off the bus he guides us to the My Hoa Hotel and asks us to look over the rooms and see if we would like to stay there for the night. The My Hoa is listed in my Rough Guide (The Rough Guide to Vietnam, by Jan Dodd and Mark Lewis, 4th ed published 2003) but at the moment I fail to realize this. Being very annoyed and stubborn I refuse to check in and return to the bus office to reserve an onward trip scheduled for the next morning.

By now it is getting dark and it is clear that I will not get to the Po Nagar Cham Towers, a tourist attraction, just north of the city. Studying my Rough Guide more carefully I realize my mistake and trudge by foot back to the My Hoa Hotel, check in, and obtain directions to a place to purchase a notebook and get something to eat. The kind deskman at the hotel provides me with good directions to the store selling notebooks and I buy what I need. It will be the very notebook that will contain my diary of this Vietnam experience. At dinner I pick a crowded eating establishment and point at dishes that others are already eating that look appetizing. I am seated at a table already occupied by a man who turns out to be seventy-four years old. He helps me order another dish and something to drink. We both try to have a conversation, but although I understand the words he is saying, most of what he says makes little sense. His ideas just don?t hang together. At the end of the meal he asks me if I would like to go to another place to have a drink. I answer that I don?t drink and that I am rather tired. I make it back to the My Hoa Hotel that is just around the corner and plunge into deep sleep the minute I lay down in bed.

Questions:
Are first impressions of a new place that you visit different from later experiences?
When you have a plan in mind (like making a bus reservation) and something or someone stops you from doing it, how do you feel?

July 1, 2004

On the Road

Nick, one of the receptionists at the My Hoa Hotel, 07 Hang Ca St., speaks careful English. Together we, or I get the 6 sounds of Vietnamese right. "High breaking" and "low breaking" I think means that there is an aspirated "h" which is the "break" that separates what are essentially two sounds.

I help Nick with his English "a" as in "ate" or "mate". I discovered his problem when we are talking about buying a book to learn Vietnamese. He says that he does not have a book, but he did have a tape. "Tape" comes out like "tap" and I don't understand him at first. So the eternal teacher in me constructs a scaffold for him to learn how to get a proper "a" sound. I pair words like: tap-tape, mat-mate, hat-hate, and mad-made. He really has physical problems making the "a" the sound. All the veins on his neck stand out with the strain of saying "a". There must be an easier way! I explore combinations like: father-has-mate, which provides three different "a" sounds. I explain that it all happens for me at the back of my throat.

I go on to learn the numbers 1-20 and 1,000-10,000, how to say "hello" and "thank you" in Vietnamese. I ask him what I should bring to my hosts in Hanoi and he suggests "Me Xu'ng Hue", a sweet made only in Hue.
The bus ride starts at 8:45 with a pick up at my hotel. Observing the landscape and reading my Rough Guide, as we ride along, I see how the Chams were pushed back, South mountain pass by mountain pass which separate lush farm lands in between.

Riding along I idly think about language and why Vietnamese and Chinese have tones. I come to a conclusion, which is most likely, completely ridiculous, but at the time I think it's brilliant. (Maybe I've read it somewhere and have forgotten). Any way, my thoughts run as follows: If your native language is all single syllables and each has a complete meaning, you run out of sounds because you can only modify vowels just so much. So you run out of sounds to express meaning. So you turn to tones to create more sounds to catch up with meaning. What a crock! How the mind drifts into strange areas sitting hour after hour on a bus.

On the road at about 3pm my rear end nerves are really acting up and I wonder why I took the bus rather than the railroad. I've seen the rail track parallel to the road, but never the train. Finally, we stop at the railroad crossing. It turns into an elaborate ceremony. The crossing guard pulls out the crossing gate, which is on rollers, from either side of the road. Not even a bicycle can get through. He is in uniform and salutes with his raised baton as the train passes. Seeing the train I am reminded why I do not take them. All the curtains on the windows are pulled shut. It?s a ride in a darkened, air-conditioned tomb. No thanks! I'll put up with my sore butt.

Surprisingly, my rear end pain subsides at 5 pm and we pull in to Hoi-an at 6:30 pm. The bus does the usual trick and goes to a hotel, Hoang Trinh rather than dropping us at the bus office to secure reservations for the next day's journey. I feel pushed around. The Hoang Trinh, 76/4 Phan Dinh Phung, Hoi-an, is not on my list of economy hotels in the Rough Guide. But, since it is only two blocks away from the bus station where I must go to secure my reservation I decide to at least look at a room and not be stubborn.

In typical fashion they show me their worst down stairs room first for $6. I bargain to $5 and say I want an up stairs room. Two grim Japanese travelers on the bus go for the down stairs room and I act unconcerned. I am shown an up stairs room with fan for $6. I say $5 and get my price. It turns out to be a great room for me with large windows and a great shower.

Talking to a young Australian couple I learn that it's the Hoi-an new moon festival tonight. They thought it was last night, but lucky for them it is tonight and lucky for me too. And better still, the festival is within walking distance of the hotel.

The festival is free of vehicles. Police barricade all the entries to a complex of five streets housing the old Chinese quarters of Hoi-an. It's dark except for colorful Chinese paper lanterns hanging everywhere. I see many old wooden buildings. I enter one that has a sign saying it is a museum-carving-artifacts-cotton/silk weaving-embroidery-clothes store. Actually I want to see the inside of this two-story wooden building without paying an admission fee. My guide is a charming young girl who speaks careful English. Up stairs they have living silk worms and an area for drying cocoons.

Out on the street different locations feature opera, poetry reading, pot breaking, Chinese chess, and martial arts. At the river candles are floating on the water. I am offered a boat ride on the river, but turn it down. I stop in a crowded restaurant for a bowel of noodles. They are tasty with crunchy square things mixed in for 7,000 dong (about 50 cents).

Barriers come down, motor scooters invade, the romance is over. I?m tired and go back for much needed sleep. On the way I write an e-mail to announce my arrival in Hanoi on the 3rd. At 100 dong/min I use 1 minute (think it was thee) and get the service free on the promise that I will return. I find the arts shop where I earlier had my tour and buy a nice silk tie for my host (or one of his cousins) for $5. It was the most expensive one that they had and it would probably cost much more in the US.

Questions:
On trips how long does it take for a routine to become established?
When you know something will happen, even if you don't particularly like it, can you better accept it?
On trips do pleasant surprises just seem to happen?

July 2, 2004

Big Busses to Mini Busses

Daylight streams in through my large window. I have slept the night with just one disturbance. Jet lag is receding. It's 6 am and I head out to revisit the new moon festival. It?s like the morning after with someone you just met the night before, "What is your name?" "Whre did I meet you?" The darkness and lanterns created another world, which has now vanished with the light of day. I have to look more carefully to find the old wooden buildings of the previous night. But, it's all there, just in a new form. At the river the Opera on the boat looks like a trashed stage set. Its atmosphere is gone. But, it's replaced just down river by a ferry filled with piles of bicycles and standing riders. Workers are arriving for the new day. People scramble off; rider is reunited with bicycle and away they all pedal into the warm morning. The market nearby is in full swing. I find my favorite breakfast of boiled rice plus other stuff in it. The weather is humid and I'm all drenched in sweat after my quiet exploring in old Hoi-an.

Back at the hotel I shower all over again and get sweaty all over again. My wait for the 7:45 bus becomes 8:30, which becomes 8:45. And when transport comes it is not a bus, it's a minibus. Actually, the minibus is not in view; a girl arrives to announce that my transport has arrived. And as I walk around a corner I can see that it's full with one tall young man already in the aisle standing with his head bowed sharply to the side because it has nowhere else to go.

Where am I to sit? I review in my head that I made two reservations the day before and one more reconfirmation earlier this very morning. My face and a few sputtering comments reveal that I am upset. A young Vietnamese girl asks me if I wouldn?t mind standing 25 minutes until the minibus reaches Da Nang where passengers will disembark and I (we-the other guy) can have a seat. I get annoyed; "No, I really cannot ride bent over until the bus reaches Da Nang, and no, I do not want to go to Hue in the afternoon because I want to catch the ongoing bus out of Hue in the evening."

At that point a young girl passenger offers to stand up and give me her seat. I decline. It turns out that she is one of a group of four Israelis who have loosely bonded together during their extended trip to South Asia. She has been on the road for eight months and has another two to go: Vietnam, Laos, Thailand and then home. I learn that all the Israelis are at the same point in their education. They have finished high school and the military. Then, they worked to earn money for a year off for travel before going to the university. We agreed that after a year of travel and work, university study might tend to be more focused.

Finally, I do find sitting room where some boxes have been piled on top of the motor cover. It is a warm uncomfortable seat. I'm sure the young man standing with his head bent is even more uncomfortable. It turns out that the minibus does not go directly to Da Nang in 25 minutes. It stops off at Stone Mountain for half an hour.

Around Stone Mountain which is a stone quarry are many stone carver shops, too many. The motives of their stone creations run from traditional Chinese guardian lions to modern abstract. At some point someone must have had an original idea. But since that time the repertoire of ideas has been copied over and over again from one stone-carving establishment to another and I cannot detect one outstanding original artist.

I certainly can detect the largest stone-carving establishment of the area. Inside a high wall one enters a vast building with a fancy display and sales area. Just outside is a large grassy sculpture garden on the slopes of the Mountain. Talking with a fellow traveler, she said it looks like an enchanted garden where living beings have been turned to stone.

We get to Da Nang and the front row area of the minibus occupied by five Vietnamese get off. And I finally get my seat. All the time the five Vietnamese sitting comfortably in their (really my) seats ignored the problem and would have let a young foreign woman stand up for an older man. I don't know why they did not take another means of transport. Many stops later we arrive in Hue. A young man jumps aboard and takes us to "his" hotel. For me it?s a waste of time because I plan to briefly visit the citadel in Hue and leave for Hanoi with the evening bus.

Finally, I get back to the bus office, make my reservation onward to Hanoi, and start walking to the citadel. Stubbornly I refuse the equally stubborn offers of several motorcycle drivers for a ride. I quickly remember why only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the noonday sun. In this case the 2:30 afternoon sun burns into me. I never make it to the citadel and retreat to the bus office.

I meet a traveler from Liverpool, England who has been waiting in Hue for four days to catch a bus north. Like me he made a reservation for a hotel pickup and they forgot him. He got rather upset with the hotel personal who were supposed to make his reservation and in the heat of discussion pounded a glass counter with his fist and shattered it. He doesn't strike me as a violent person.

We learn at 5 pm that the 6 pm bus will be delayed. It broke down carrying people up from the south and we will have to wait for its repair. 6:00 pm becomes 8:00 pm. The Israelis predict that the bus will be canceled. At 9:00 a bus arrives and we do the usual tour of the town picking up passengers from various hotels. We assume incorrectly that we are on our way. But no. This bus takes us to a narrow side street where another bus, our real bus, is being repaired. It appears that the metal piece holding the double tires together on the back axel do not properly fit together. A group of three men take a grinding machine to the part. The Israelis are still pessimistic about leaving at all. I'm so tired that I cannot sit any longer and lie down on the sidewalk cement. Finally, after several tries to get the tire on the stubborn pieces finally fit together and at 10:30pm we start four hours late.


Question:
What kind of problems have you encountered on trips?
Have you ever met people on trips who have more problems than you do?

July 3, 2004

Arrival

Somehow I survive the all night ride. A man, he turns out to be one of the bus drivers, is sleeping in the aisle floor on a mat so that on our one stop in the night it is difficult to exit the bus. The nerves in my rear have an attack of cramps in the early hours of the morning, but miraculously, the pain later goes away. It gets light at 5:30 am, but it takes to 11 am to get to Hanoi. I've been on the bus with only one break for 13 hours. Maybe I should have traveled by rail after all.

In Hanoi a young Vietnamese man on the bus who earlier had wanted to practice his English with me is going home which is in the same direction as Go Dau but further. He helps me get to the correct city bus, which takes us to the correct out of town bus station. At the bus station within minutes a bus leaves for his home. It takes about two hours to get to Go Dau, which is half way to his house. The bus drops me on the side of a two lane, divided highway that runs North of Go Dau.

I anticipate that I will have to deal with a motorcycle driver to take me to my address in Go Dau so I ask my guide while still underway approximately how much the ride should cost and learn it should be from 6000 to 7000 dong (or 50 cents). I bargain with the motorcycle driver and reduce his asking price from 10000 to 7000 and we are off. I have shown my driver the address, 46 Ngo Quyen Street, written on a slip of paper and we arrive near that address. But, my driver wants to take me to a Vietnamese Ministry building at number 50. After all, in his mind that's where all tourists go. He cannot believe that I'm going to a private home although the address is clearly affixed to the building. I pay him and break away from his confusion and enter my confusion. Number 46 is not exactly a private home; it's a shop (clothing store or restaurant?). Also, it's early afternoon and no one is on the street and, when I enter the shop, no one is awake. I find out later that I have arrived during the siesta time of day when most everyone takes a nap.

I go further into the room calling out my host, Thang's, name but get no response. Finally, a woman appears with a smile. And then, as if by magic Thang comes in through the font door that I just entered. I get a much-needed shower. I find out that Thang's father built the house for $15,000 with the agreement that one room would remain unoccupied and reserved for Thang's family. The house was build three years ago and since that time its location has become a major commercial location. The value of the property has quadrupled. Besides Thang?s family which occupies one room, two families, both part of the Nguyen clan, occupy two other rooms in the house. I have included a diagram of the house on one of my pages.

After I shower Thang and some of his cousins immediately take me a few streets away by motor cycle to buy some slippers. I have only one choice because of my large foot size. At the time I have no idea about the importance of slippers in Vietnamese culture. I become sharply aware at the end of my stay in Go Dau when I realize that I have worn no other foot ware for three weeks. In fact, when I leave it is difficult for my hosts to remember where they have stored my tennis shoes.

After buying slippers we head for the weight lifting club located in an enormous hall on the top floor of the main market building. Thang has prepared in advance to put his male cousins in line by working out intensively at home in the US and it shows. After lifting weights (Thang should have prepared me for this) we go to his aunt Van(1) who owns a jewelry store and we have our supper. And then back home. Thang occupies his family's room where his male and female cousins hang out and sleep over night. I occupy another room by myself. We talk a bit and then I get some much-needed rest.

Question:
On trips do strangers assume things about you that are not true.
When you reach your destination after a long trip does it seem like you have reached home?
[Edit by="rwalcott on Sep 9, 8:31:47 PM"][/Edit]

July 4, 2004

Dunked and Drowned

The next morning we get up at 5:30 to swim. About 10 cousins of all ages go. I find out Thang and his cousins have been up until past midnight talking. The group has been swimming before, but their number has never been so large. Part of the event seems to be an initiation rite where Thang dunks each of his male cousins. Since Thang, being raised in the United States, is unusually well developed for a Vietnamese, and his male cousins are on the thin side, he always wins. I feel this is patently unfair and join in the dunking. I choke and nearly drown. What is happening? I am really weak and slow. We have a shower at the swimming pool, but by the time we ride home we need another shower.

Next Thang and about six cousins are off to breakfast in town. Breakfast is not served by one of Thang's aunts or uncles, and Thang usually pays the bill so that everyone. can eat together. After breakfast Thang is tired after the late night conversation and early morning swim and we take a nap at his aunt Ngs'(3) house a few shops up from where we were staying.

After the nap it off to aunt Van's(1) because Thang needs to change some US currency and we end up having lunch there. After lunch we take another nap and then late in the afternoon the cousins gather again to head off for the gym for weight lifting.

After our work out we go to a restaurant paid for by one of Thang's uncles and eat a goat dinner. The meal begins with coagulated goat's blood mixed with something crunchy. Someone jokes and suggests that the crunchy substance is a goat testicles. Later on they admit that it really is goat tendons. Then my hosts wrap goat meat, assorted leaves, ginger, and pineapple in a rice paper sheet and make a roll. The whole roll is dipped in one of two sauces, one red and one brown depending of one?s preference. The red one turns out not to be as hot as I had expected. I have trouble enjoying some ingredient in the roll. I try a bit of each one of the leaves to find out which one I do not like. The one I select is bay leaf, which tastes to me like anis. On the other hand the particular leaf that Thang hates is fine for me-it almost has no taste, just a kind of an after taste. There is so much food on the table. Thang teases me and insists that I eat more. I cannot possibly eat the quantity of food he consumes. I distinctly remember the enormous quantities of food that I ate in my 20?s. I particularly remember the seven bowls of rice that my friend, Day Higuchi, and I gorged ourselves on in a Japanese Restaurant near UCLA before we were invited, politely, to either pay more or leave. Being poor students, we left.

We return to Giang's house, another cousin (her father is Hao(6)), for litchi and karaoke. It is litchi season, which lasts almost for the duration of my stay. Almost every day we finish meals with fresh chilled litchi.

Thang says Vietnamese are mad for karaoke. All his cousins have some kind of Karaoke machine in their homes. The popular form is videotape that displays words and scenery along with the musical accompaniment. The men have trouble making the video work at first, but it finally does. Thang refuses to sing which is so strange to me considering he is so outgoing. Maybe he has been teased too much about his voice and has given up on it. Too bad. I refuse to sing unless Thang does. The ploy does not work. Thang is adamant and clearly, he is the boss around here. Finally, when I feel my refusal might be taken the wrong way, I sing "Blow'en in the Wind" and "Beauty and the Beast". The Karaoke accompaniment tape contains mostly Vietnamese songs, but it includes a few songs in English. My version of "Blow'en in the Wind" is barely acceptable, but "Beauty and the Beast" is definitely in the wrong key for me and it goes rather poorly.

It's late and we return home. All the cousins of this morning's swim have congregated in Thang's air conditioned room to talk and wait for the World Cup Soccer match which is to come on television at 1am and last to approximately 5am. Thang says that all of Vietnam will be staying up the night for the soccer game because soccer so popular here. As for Thang and his cousins, when the times approaches for the game to start no one is interested in watching and neither am I. I go up to my room to finally sleep.

Questions:

When you try a physical activity do you always do well, or are you sometimes disappointed in your lack of skill?
Do you enjoy eating new food?
Would you eat coagulated goat blood?

July 5.doc

Learning to Eat All Over Again

The radio sounds off at 5 am in my room. I work on my notes and realize that I'm missing a date. One day melts into the next so easily and everyday facts become easily intermingled and confused. The origin of the problem turns out to be Thang. It was just his teasing that had me confused. It actually is Monday the 5th after all and I have not skipped a day. Thang has been up until 5 am talking and now his head hurts. We nap a while in the morning. In the late morning Thang asks me if I want my hair washed. His cousin, Tran Anh, daughter of aunt Nga(3), wants to wash Thang's and my hair. We both had our hair cut yesterday. Off we go on motor scooters to the beauty shop of Thang's youngest uncle, Hoan(13). The hair wash turns out to be much more. It includes a facial (defoliation and massage). Since I am not used to such things the whole thing seems extremely decadent and strange. I slowly give in to the flow of events and feelings and the experience transforms itself into something very stimulating, relaxing, and wonderful.

Thang suggests that we give his cousin 20,000 each for spending money. I give him the money to give to her because he says it is hard to give gratuities to his family members. (If it is hard for him it would be nearly impossible for me.)

We go off to lunch at an aunt's house and back home to rest. I lay around trying to read John Grisham's, the Client, but keep falling asleep-not because the book is dull-but because I'm feeling dull. In the afternoon we are supposed to go shopping for towels and shirts for me. I brought no towels with me and the one that I am using that belongs to someone else is beginning to smell and needs washing. Clearly, I need my own towel and a spare. Also, the old t-shirts with various labels advertising Gelson's Market and Purina Dog Food are less than elegant. They do not represent me very favorably as part of the family I am staying with.

After lying around and visiting in the afternoon we go lift weights. It?s about 5:30 and the sun is down-my favorite time of the evening. From the roof of the market just outside the gym the pattern of the water hyacinth on the cannel has changed from that of the previous day. Down below people are flying kites in the square. All Thang's cousins are working hard in the gym to look more like him. Since Thang is huge, it will be difficult, if not impossible for them to catch up.

I become increasingly concerned about how my body has acquired an unnecessary and unbecoming fat tire in the stomach area. I had planned to do something about it in March and did not. Now I must pay the piper. Maybe this will inspire me to take some action in the future. I've made this resolve before!

Thang notes that the common first questions the Vietnamese ask some new acquaintance is his or her age, weight and height. I would not have guessed that weight and height, especially height, would be of any significance. But, I note that Thang's cousins are comparing their height to mine, and Thang makes a passing (fleeting) comment about his height. Five foot four is on the short side even for a Vietnamese. It is an inspiration for me. You cannot get taller, but you can get thinner.

We return to have dinner with Thang's uncle Tu(12). It's nice sitting on the floor but at times I do not know where to put my long legs. Also, it's hard for me to sit cross-legged and still be able to reach the dishes with my chopsticks. I later realize that it is my large stomach that does not allow me to bend foreword easily. Again, a little more inspiration for me to thin down.

Thang instructs me about the two stage structure of Vietnamese meals-first comes all the dishes which are sampled for themselves unmixed with rice. Rice comes at the end of the meal. For example, at the goat meal fried rice was served at the end. Unfortunately, there was so much to eat before the rice arrived that I could barely consume any of it. Then I think back to the Monday lunch at Thang's aunts house where the meal included French bread at the beginning. I thought that the bread was a substitute for rice. Wrong again! The rice came at the end when I was absolute full of bread. I could tell that it was obligatory to eat the rice. In fact Thang's aunt yelled at him when he hesitated.

This time I plan ahead and do not have to stuff the rice down. There are still worried looks around the table indicating that I am an insufficient eater. I think at the time that Thang sooths the waters on this account, but I am not sure. I find out later that this is in fact the case. He has told everyone not to bother me too much about my eating habits.

After dinner we head for the uncle Hoan's(13) for a gathering, but there is a miscalculation and he and his family are not at home. So we head to the uncle Hao?s(6) and talk. Instead of karaoke Thang and all look at photo albums. Some of the photos are incased in plastic. At 10:30 Thang notices that I am dropping off to sleep so we head home. Our group is Thang, Young(daughter of uncle Tu(12)), Manh (son of uncle Cuong(8)) and Manh's sister, Hang, who just arrived from out of town. Thang is very playful with the girls and they show him a good deal of affection. Thang says we will swim in the morning at 5:30 and I counter that he will be up all night talking and not get up for swimming.

Questions;
What questions do new acquaintances ask you when you first meet?
How would you feel if you had to learn how to eat all over again?

July 6.doc

Fishing Trip

I spend a restless night, probably because I slept most of the previous day. I'm awake at 2 am at 3am, at 4 am, and at 5 am. At 6 am I realize we will not be going swimming. Oh well. I start working on my notes. By 7:30 I look in Thang's room; everyone is still asleep. Manh on the bed and Thang is sleeping on the floor between the two girls. In this climate I remember how pleasant it is to sleep on the floor where it's cool. In Thang's house the floors are kept immaculately clean. The house is tiled throughout; they are polished and they sparkle. Shoes (slippers) are left down stares and never touch any of the upper floors.

Everyone is still asleep in Thang's room at 8 am. I am so thirsty. All the water is filtered, and the filter is in the kitchen of his two uncle's families living below. In the early morning I cannot just walk in on a sleeping family to get water. I have not yet discovered how I can get a supply of water from the filter and up to my room the night before.

A bit later things finally get going and we head for breakfast in town. After looking around the group ends up at the fired eggs and French bread place, which is again financed by Thang. After that we go to Thang's aunt's house where all the women attend Thang. He gets his faced and head massaged and fortune told. Finally, much later, Thang's aunt tells me my fortune by reading my palm. There seems to be some confusion because fortunes are supposed to refer mostly to family matters, your wife and children, but I have none. I am glad to hear that I will be strong and healthy until I die. Maybe I'll die from a sudden and unexpected heart attack or car accident. She also tells me that people tend to cut me off in conversations and I let it go; I do not object. She does not tell me if this is a good or bad quality. Then, she asks me the year of my birth. When I tell her that it falls in the year of the rabbit, she replies that this is strange. She thinks that it should be the year of the cat. Frankly I would much prefer the traits of a cat to that of a rabbit.

We retreat to uncle Tu's(12) and have lunch sitting on the floor. After lunch I nap for about one hour. At 2 pm I wake up to all this noise and head up to the roof to watch the rain. It's pouring and there is quite a bit of lightening, but not much thunder. The lightening seems to mostly be up in the sky jumping from cloud to cloud. When the rain tapers off I return to my room to read.

At 3:30 we gather the forces to go fishing. There is a visit to a small shop, just a hole in the wall, that specializes in fishing equipment. We buy two long bamboo poles, line and fish hooks. Then we cycle about two kilometers to a home of the wife of one of the uncles. It is an old house surrounded by a wall. There is a pond is in front of the house. Many pots have been placed around the pond and are planted with small trees. The house is small and the yard to the side and in back is over grown. Two dogs guard the house and I am told not to mess with them. They bite.

One wall to one side has been torn down and it looks like the pond in the neighboring house is being repaired. It all looks messy, and dirty. Broken drainpipes have been dug up. The whole scene looks like one of my many home projects that has been started, but will never be finished because some unforeseen obstacle blocked forward progress.

Two people fish and the rest of the group socialize. Bread is the lure and it is either eaten away or it dissolves and falls off the hook. The hooks, by the way, are unusual. They have no eye for threading the line; they just have a flat place at the end where the eye should be.

The boys actually catch three fish, which measure between three and four inches long. It is now sprinkling lightly. Home we go. On the way I mention my need for shirts and Tran Anh offers to help me buy some. It turns out she is the expert shopper in the Nguyen clan. Giang says that she always goes with Tran Anh because she knows the good shops with the best discounts.

From home I hop on the back of her motorcycle and we head for one shop selling Foci shirts made in Vietnam. I do not know the brand, but I soon learn that it is a popular make. She is fussy and finds two nice shirts for 7,000 or $4.50 each. Returning home, I show off my new purchase to general approval (maybe it's general relief in the fact that I will not be wearing my worn out and labeled t-shirts). The presentation is such a success that we return and buy one more shirt. In the shop I prefer a polo shirt, but Nhung does not like the fit and we buy another t-shirt.

Dinner is at uncle Hien's(5) house. Hien is the twin of uncle Hao(6). I'm asked if I have recognized this and I have to admit that I have not. Later I discover the reason. One Hien looks much older than Hao. At dinner noodles replace rice as the staple. I really enjoy this meal. I realize that up to now the new way of eating and the new combination of tastes got in the way of just enjoying the taste of the cooking. After the meal, Hien?s young daughter shows early talent in the performing arts. She performs two songs and dances that she has learned at school.

Back in Thang's room the group has gathered to play guitar and socialize. I go to sleep in my room, while the rest party until late.

Questions;
Do you only sleep at home, or do you often go to friends' houses to sleep?
Do you buy your own clothes, or does someone help you?

July 7.doc

Survival Eating

I wake up at 5:30 and read until 6:30. I guess there is no swimming today. In Thang's room all are asleep and I go for a walk on Ngo Quyen Street turning left out the front door. This street leads to the railroad track. The Y intersection halfway down leads to the train station. I find a shop on the side street for chao or xhao (rice porridge). My slippers have bindings on the edge that are wearing holes in both my feet. I stop in a shop and buy Band-Aids and cover both sensitive areas. It helps ease the pain a bit.

People are looking at me, but not being obnoxious about it. I notice the looks more when I am alone. I'm definitely more shy and paranoid out of the group on my own. Friends' protection is very comforting.

At 8:50 Thang has taken a shower and returned to nap along with his cousins. He is having a very restful vacation. He enjoys the food more in Vietnam because of the variety of food and seasonings available and also because he moves between seven families at 6 different address for dinner.

Because everyone is still sleeping, I head to Giang's house to see about English and Vietnamese lessons. I figure it might be helpful to Giang if I work on her English pronunciation. It's probably hard to find a native English speaker in town. I really enjoy the challenge of Vietnamese-just the whole sound system in itself is so different from what I am used to. She is home and we work together for a while. Thang and the gang come by and are heading for breakfast. I have already eaten, but I tag along. They agree on a nearby place for fish soup. I have green tea. I come to realize that the principal choice for the group's breakfast is either the eggs and French bread place or the fish soup place. After eating all disperse and I return to Giang's house for more language study.


It's getting near lunch time and I begin to notice a new problem. I am not the least bit hungry. The meal is absolutely my favorite-two kinds of fish and meatballs. The fish sauces (two kinds) are extremely tasty. Once I start eating I eat.

After lunch we return home for a nap. Thang's room is full of people and I retreat to my isolated room. I try to sleep, but when sleep will not come I read and study Vietnamese. Pronouncing the new sounds of Vietnamese is hard to get right by myself.

In the late afternoon the group heads for the gym. I realize that we have arrived at the gym earlier than usual. On the floor beneath the gym all the sewing machine operators are still at work. I feel my strained shoulder of the previous day is better and I?m ready to try the bench press again. But, I try and manage to make the shoulder hurt even worse. My damn old body is going to prevent me from working out and keeping up with the group. I tell myself to slow down and be patient. I have let myself get out of shape for four years and it will take some time to get back into the groove. Nevertheless, momentarily I allow myself to slip into a terrible mood, but get out of it when Thang suggests some stretching exercises. They ease the pain in my shoulder. Thang reminds me that I should go slowly. A friend of his that lifted weights with him strained and damaged his shoulder to a point that it required an operation to repair the damage. Ok. And I slow down.

We finish at the gym and ride home, but there is no time to shower or change shirts. We have to immediately go to dinner at Huyen's house, the oldest cousin of the Hguyen clan and son of aunt Van(1). I must put on a smelly dirty shirt from weight lifting so I'm really embarrassed. I feel a bit out of the loop. Once at the destination, I don't understand the reason for the rush because I am asked to sit down in front of the television and wait. I think that others need time to arrive. Also, I think that our meal is being "assembled". Parts of it are coming from different locations outside of the house. Again I am anxious because I have absolutely no apatite.

Dinner starts with duck liver and coagulated duck blood. As the honored guest I am served first and the host fills my bowel with the above. I call on Thang's help and the amount is reduced somewhat. Dinner is noodles for the staple, duck that is delicious, soup and greens. I manage to eat a sufficient amount of food, but I just do it mechanically, not from a real desire to eat. I'm eating because I know that the family expects me to eat.

I begin to try a new technique for meal survival. I carefully watch what Thang is taking and take the same thing and in the same quantity. Then I eat it at the same speed he does. Since he is talking all the time and I am not this significantly slows down the pace of my eating. I am eating slower and therefore much less. As Thang finishes each helping I finish and move on to the next. I notice that from time to time Thang and the others put down their bowels and take a rest from eating. And this is where my plan fails. The minute I put down my bowel like others are doing, a fuss is made about it and people ask me to start eating again. Is this because I am the honored guest? At this point I feel that others make eating more difficult.

After diner we return home and I head for Giang's for more lessons. She reads from Grisham and I learn more Vietnamese. Thang comes by and the gang is going to the lake to cool off and have drinks. For the first time I say "no" (It feels very weird to say "no") and Giang and I continue to study. I later regret that I made this decision because Giang and I get done with our studies, but we cannot return home because Thang and all have not returned, they have the key, and the door is locked. But soon the group returns and we head home. But no! Thang decides to return to Giang's. Giang's family is in the process of going to bed, but we wake everyone up and sit around and talk some more. They keep asking me if I am tired, but I am not. In fact, I feel kind of tense and awake. The "awake" that I feel is a kind of a weird, nervous kind of awake.

Finally, when the conversation is almost ready to close (why didn't I just wait until it did?) I really make an ass of myself by blurting out an emotional complaint about not being left to my own devises at meals, being treated like a baby by having my bowel filled by others, by having metal chop sticks replaced with wood ones because they are easier to hold (was I really so clumsy using the aluminum ones?). Why all the fuss over me?

Thang calmly explains that I am the guest and it is engrained in his relatives and in all Vietnamese to treat guests in a certain way. I answer with something stupid like, "But, I'm not a guest, I'm with you." Dahhhhhh! I need to get oxygen to my brain!!!

Thang continues by explaining that four years ago, when he came to Vietnam for the first time since he left at age four, his father accompanied him. His father at that time really got very angry with the whole family for treating him like an honored guest. Evidently he yelled at them and made some of the women cry. Thang had to speak with his father about it because it caused the family to get really upset. Thang said that he has been speaking to everyone about not overdoing it with me. And then I begin to feel like the ugly American. Here I am being admitted into a world few travelers see and I'm complaining. I am given everything, food lodging, friendship, and I complain. Even behind the scenes Thang has been fending for me. I am acting like a spoiled brat. Just a whining selfish little baby. Have I forgotten any social skills that I may have possessed?

Thang mentions the old man we met this morning (the one with white hair like mine). He was expecting to go to the "bride-give-away" at 8 am and it turned out to be at 8 pm. Thang said the old mad got so angry. (Is he trying to tell me something?) I asked Thang what a Vietnamese wedding is like and he says that he doesn't know because he is not part of the Vietnamese community in San Leandro. He just has his mother's side of the family surrounding him and that is all. I get a new view of Thang. He is quite connected with San Leandro community life at large and forging a new identity within it.

I was thinking later about why Thang's father got so upset with the special guest treatment his brothers and sisters were giving him. I think the Nguyen clan sees itself as a closely nit, cooperative group. Thang's father, Hung(2) feels that he ranks high among the Nguyen clan. If you treat someone in a special way you are in a way isolating him or her from that group. You are not cooperating. You are doing something else. Perhaps he felt that his brothers and sisters were treating him like an outsider and he resented it.

Questions:

Do you sometimes get angry at things that happen to you?
How do you express your anger?
Later, when you think it over, do you like the way you expressed yourself?

July 8.doc

The Future of Vietnamese Economy

I wake at 5:30 am after going to sleep at 12 midnight. I am in a foul mood. Why I do not know. My shoulder hurts so I know that the pain will not go away soon. Wow! Just great! Just one more thing to isolate me from what I want, or think that I want. I read a bit, go down to look in Victor's room, and see that all are asleep.

I go for a walk turning left out the front door. I reach the stoplight and a busy street. I turn right and reach a big traffic circle, which includes a large government building. I buy some tape and fix my slippers. It's smooth electrical tape and should cover the rough place that is biting into my skin.

I see a place selling chao, but I'm not hungry so I return home to find the group still asleep. I take a shower and write up this journal. After writing it up I feel better. I still wonder why my attitude problem is blossoming. I guess one has ups and downs. I have a complete loss of apatite. I just get to a meal and feel like looking at it, but not eating. Anyway the group wakes up and we head for breakfast. I tell Victor about the apatite problem and he says that he doesn't have one either. He is going to eat only some French bread for breakfast. About three small pieces sounds about right for me. We head back home and I wonder about visiting Giang for language study. I turns out she is not free; she is getting lunch ready. Lunch is a major effort at her house because we are all eating there place today.

Her boyfriend from her university shows up for a visit. Immediately her mother comments that they are only friends. They are both in the same year of a four and a half year course at the Commerce University and will both finish in April of 2005. Giang would like to study for the MBA in the U.S. if she can pass the tests. If not, she will do graduate study in Vietnam.

Her boy friend speaks in an English that is very difficult to understand and listen to. He has not mastered the English ?r? sound yet. Since he has majored in Commerce at a major university in Vietnam where the acceptance rate among the select few candidates is 13:1, I ask his opinion about the future of Vietnamese economy. He says that there needs to be more economic development. I ask, "What Kind? Please give me an example.?" He says that there need to be cars made in Vietnam (The word, "car" he pronounces "ca"-and quite loudly). I ask why in the world would Vietnam try to build a car, when there is no infrastructure for producing one (steel, coal, robotics, etc.) I am not impressed with his answer because he can give no concrete reason. I feel that he should have developed his own opinion by this time. He is a four-year commerce student and he has no idea about how Vietnam?s economy should change. Does he really have no opinion? Or perhaps he doesn't have the language skills to describe his views or perhaps he is afraid to express his views. It's probably language skills. It looks like lunch is starting and I trot back home to freshen up.

I find Victor at uncle Tu's(12) and we return together to Giang's. Lunch is served on the floor. We eat a bowel of noodles that are a specialty of Hai Doing. I try to get the ingredients? name that makes it special, but I do not succeed. Giang's boy friend eats with us. We finish up the meal with mangostines and rambutans that the boy friend has brought up from the South. I learn that he flew up. This impresses me because I know that the trip costs about $100, quite an expense in the Vietnamese economy.

We go back home for a nap and reading. I get up later to see if Giang is free for lessons. She is going to take her friend to the bus for his ride to Hanoi. We go to afternoon weight lifting (light for me in view of my shoulder). Then comes dinner, and back at Giangs where I get a complete listing of the Doan side of the family, or all Victor's uncles including his father. Since it includes wives and children the list includes quite a number of individuals.

Questions;

Do you sometimes ask people questions which they cannot answer.?
Do you sometimes ask people questions which they answer, but the answer is not an answer?

July 9.doc

Visiting Uncle Cuong(8)

It is the custom of Thang to visit most of his uncles that live in town almost every day. This is greatly appreciated by his family and makes him a very popular. There is one uncle, however, who lives half a day's bus ride to the south of Hanoi near Tranh Hoa. He has two children and they attend school near Hanoi. The son, Manh, lives in town, stays in Thang's house and eats with Thang and me every day. The daughter. Hang, is on vacation from school and is in town for a visit. Now it is time for her to return home and to get ready for school. Thang decides that we will accompany her home, bring her brother along and visit his uncle Cuong(8). The uncle's home is near the ocean and maybe a trip to the beach will be included.

The bus trip to Thanh Hoa leaves early in the morning. We first ride by motorcycle to the main Go Dau road on the edge of town. I'm told that a bus will come along to take us to our destination. It's drizzling and cool. This sounds miserable, but it, in fact, is not a disadvantage. We are lucky. On a bright sunny day the ride would be very hot and stuffy.

I have waited on the side of the road, on edges of towns, or in the middle of nowhere in many different places during my many years of travel. I think about the strength of my faith that a bus will really come by going in my direction and that it will actually stop of me. I remember that the trick is to get three people to agree that the bus will come, and to start waiting for the bus very early in the morning. The bus in fact does appear some minutes later, not full to over flowing and we all get seats. Later the bus will fill up and plastic stools will be put in the aisle for new passengers.

Thang and I sit together and he talks about the oldest aunt in the family, aunt Van(1) and of her dream. The dream told her that the clan should visit the original ancestrial village of the Nguyens and honor the gravesites of their parents, or Thang's grandparents. Earlier, before I arrived, Thang participated in this event with the rest of his family. He stood in for his father. He had anticipated a solemn affair, but it turned out to be fun. I talk about grave visiting in Poland on All Saints Day that is less a solemn occasion and more a community outing. Then Thang asks me if I visit the graves of my ancestors. I have to admit that I have not visited the grave of my favorite great aunt or my grandfather who meant a lot to me when I was young. I sometimes complain about not having any relations. I think to myself that I have not even done the most with what little I have. Thang says that his father is thinking about being cremated and buried in his ancestral village. It's not a sure thing, but he is thinking about it. I guess that Thang is thinking about it too.

We arrive at our destination, which is a store located about an hours drive north of Thran Hoa,. There is a place for the public to eat, drink and buy small household items in front and living quarters for the family in back. A somewhat friendly part police dog guards the store. Sometimes she is not friendly. The family comments that she has bitten several people.

First water and soymilk is served. Then we have our lunch of duck, rice, greens, and soup, all served on the floor. After lunch it?s time for a shower and a nap. I get my own isolated room while all others are in social groups of one sort or another. I am use to and not use to this arrangement. Actually, I find it a bit sad.

We get up and go by scooter to an Internet shop. We are in a small town, but surprisingly the connection is very fast. Bird hunting is scheduled for the afternoon. We will use bee bee air guns to shoot at sparrows. But, in the end it is called off because Thang?s uncle has some objection. The substance of the objection is never made clear to me. We return for an evening meal of squid (very good squid), greens, rice, and duck. The duck at lunch was very tough, but this one is tinder. After dinner the family is supposed to visit the mother of the uncle?s wife at her village home outside of town. But, this trip is called off as well.

We begin the evening by watching videos of fight scenes lifted from various action films. Then we switch to video karaoke with Manh doing all the singing (and he is quit good at it). Since the words flash on the screen I talk along under my breath to practice Vietnamese pronunciation. Then we watch part of a Vietnamese series story about a family who is in great debt. Thang notices that the movie seems to move at a very slow pace due to the lack of music underlying the action. I agree. There are some spots of singing and music. But, the predominant Vietnamese style in this film includes many shoots of very lengthy close-ups of actor's faces. The camera holds the face immobile filling the screen as an emotional moment or two slowly crosses the actor's face. This technique is used over and over again. Yes, the action is very, very slow moving.

When the Vietnamese film concludes we turn to a Chinese action film. The contrast with the Vietnamese story is wonderful. The hero puts 2 fingers together and magic electrical rays paralyze and repulse the enemy. Actors fly through the air to avoid danger. Chinese is faintly heard in the background and all is translated into Vietnamese by only one woman's voice. There is absolutely not attempt to lip sink. I suggest that they could have at least two readers, male and female, to read for the male and female characters since listeners expect to hear a low, or a high-pitched voice. It wouldn't cost that much more. On second thought, I'm wrong. It would cost at least twice as much.

It has been a long day of travel and visiting new places. I think all of us have had enough of television and the whole group calls it a night.

Questions:

When you change locations on a trip do you also change your routine?
Do you watch foreign language films?
How you know what the actors are saying?

July 10.doc

Paper Weddings

I get up in the morning and catch up with my journal. The following is a summary of various topics that Thang and I have spoken about during the bus trip the day before.

Thang visited here four years ago. He had just finished Junior College He went to Junior College near his home for three years and then transferred to UCLA for three years. He studied for two years and worked in Los Angeles and studied in the final year for a total of three years. After that he returned to his home and worked for one year.

Visit 1--2 years UCLA--1 year UCLA + Los Angeles job--1 year new job--Visit 2

Thang feels that if he keeps to the pattern of visiting every four years it might be sad when he returns. Now he is enjoying the friendship with the cousins that are his age. In a very short time these same cousins will be grown up and move away or get married. They will not be in town or they will not have as much time to hang out with him as they do now. There are few jobs in Go Dau and a young person starting out in life cannot stay there and make any significant progress in his or her career. Ambitious youth are forced out.

One of the hot topics of discussion about me is the relationship between my age and the fact that I am not married. I gather that the norm expected of Vietnamese men of my age is that they be married. Therefore, there is talk of me getting married. It is the timing and the arrangement of the supposed marriage that is very strange and unexpected to me. I gather that romance and courtship would have little place in the deal. I would be introduced to or see someone, and the marriage would take place within the sojourn of my vacation in Vietnam, or within less than one month. Also, the new wife would remain in Vietnam when I return to the United States; she would be my on the spot Vietnamese wife, or something like Madame Butterfly or Miss Saigon. This is not quite my idea of a marriage. I really must qualify this observation by saying that it is only my impression. I cannot understand most of what people are saying on this topic because most of what they say is in Vietnamese.

It reminds me of some years back when I visited an anthropologist friend of mine, Bill, who was spending one year living in a small village in Central Thailand in order to study Thai Buddhist initiation ceremonies. During one of our trips into a larger town we stopped by to visit the head of the largest bank in town, a woman. I remember her vividly because at the time I was quite ill. She pulled a handful of antibiotics out of her purse and told me to take them. I did and the by the next evening I felt much better. After speaking with her in the bank she invited us to her home for an afternoon tea. When we arrived she unexpectently found her husband at home with his young mistress. The mistress fled and a noisy row issued between husband and wife. The tea never materialized. On our way back to Bill's village he described his opinion of the male Thai?s attitude toward women. Whether a woman is a man's wife, mistress, or one-night stand, Thai men feel that all women are prostitutes to some degree or other. (At the time I did not ask Bill his views on how Thai men feel about their mothers, grandmothers, or sisters.) Bill's views surprised me at the time, and they continue to surprise me.

Continuing with Thang's comments, he says that for a Vietnamese to leave with a working visa for the US the cost is very high, about $20,000 or $30,000 paid to the Vietnamese government. The government has determined that this amount of money has been spent on a person?s personal needs and on his or her education in order to bring them to a level of proficiency so that they could even obtain a working visa and hold down a job in the US. This cost can be avoided if someone like himself, a Vietnamese-American with US citizenship living in the U.S, or in fact, anyone else with US citizenship, marries a native Vietnamese. Then the Vietnamese government receives no money. This loophole has fostered an, in my opinion, immoral industry, trafficking in "paper weddings". Weddings are arranged, not for marriage, but for profit. $30,000 goes not to the Vietnamese government but to the US citizen who gets someone out of Vietnam and into the US. Although Thang does not say it, I think that even if the US citizen did not collect a payment in this transaction and even if marriage were authentic it would impose a huge implied obligation on his or her Vietnamese partner or family. Could this become a significant factor in their ongoing relationship?

I am reminded of an event when I was studying in Poland. An American Fulbright scholar fell in love with a well-known Polish Poster artist. They were married in Poland, but his government would not allow him to leave until she paid quite a sum of money for his release. In this case the newlyweds had very little money. As I remember all this caused the couple many months of anxiety and delay. But finally the Polish government gave in and let love have its way.

We are supposed to travel by car to the beach in the morning, but then we learn later in the morning that there is a complication in getting the car and we will go in the afternoon. Thang says that he doesn?t care if he goes to the beach or not. The water is dirty, even dirtier than Santa Monica; there are always crowds of Vietnamese tourists at the beach, even on weekdays. In other words, it is far from a pristine white sand beach that I have been reading about in my Rough Guide. I get less enthusiastic about the event after this less than glowing description, but a beach is a beach and as the morning stretches on we don't do anything very exciting. So, I would still like to go.

We finish an interesting lunch of squid and other things and just as we settle down after lunch a surprise announcement is made that the car is ready. Me, Thang, Manh, Hang, uncle Cuog(8), and two little girls 10 years old, cousins from the mother?s side of the family, head for the beach by car. This is my first car ride in Vietnam. The lower perspective of the landscape is more familiar, and I see things more from the angle I expect. We drive south on highway 1 to the town of Thanh Hoa, which is about 1 hour south of where I am staying. Then we turn a short distance East to Sam Son on the beach (see page 345 of the Rough Guide for a description of the town).

We get to Sam Son and it is a very Vietnamese beach. I see no other foreigners in the vast crowd of people. (I guess foreigners are at the empty, pristine white sand beaches.) We cruse the crowded town for a parking place and return to a parking place near the T intersection where we started. Once parked I learn the routine is to take nothing with you. I shed my T-shirt and hope that my sunscreen and the late afternoon hour will protect me from burn. Getting to the beach is a marathon of getting through all the sales people offering dried fish, green coconuts, umbrellas, inter tubes, and photographs. Two relentless lady photographers follow us out to the beach. During all this confusion I feel like a great, white, fat, giant squid ambling awkwardly and self-consciously toward the water. My walking route through dirty, muddy, rocky, trash fill ground does not bode well for this trip. Maybe Thang was right.

But we make it to the water and, surprise, there is brown but decent sand, and waves strong enough for body surfing in churned up sandy water. I?m ready to surf. But wait. We stop for two photo opportunities, and then into the water.

It?s really crowded for surfing and when I catch a good wave I usually plow into a few bodies on my way in. I guess Vietnamese don?t have the technique, because some of them seem impressed with the distance I achieve in my rides. Maybe they are amazed that one so old can move at all. The current pulls me north along the beach and I lose contact with my family. I go back to find them, which is hard to do with all the people. Finally they find me.

Thang is playing with the two little girls and we take them for a piggyback ride out into the waves. My girl falls off some how, even with all the care that I am taking, and becomes terrorized. The ugly American strikes again. I go back to surfing. All goes splendidly until a boy sharing an inter tube with too many of his friends falls off and bumps the side of his face into the back of my head. It doesn?t harm me, but I can feel that the connection was strong. He?s holding his face, which is quite red, but still he smiles so everything gets back to normal. I make apologetic gestures and surf on.

Walking back down the beach after another northerly drift I connect up with our group and Thang says that it?s time to go. I suggest a little water wrestling and we go at it. My stamina is much improved and I last much longer. I guess the rest is doing me some good. I'm encouraged. Improvement is possible.

We head to the car. I completely loose the group on the way and just continue to where the car is parked on my own. I notice a wash area on the way and rinse off my feet. The rest of my party arrives. The uncle Cuong looks concerned that I went ahead on my own. Near the car is another larger area for washing and we pour many buckets of cold fresh water over ourselves. It feels great after the warm, salty, sandy water.

It?s late and on the drive back home it begins to get dark. At home we have dinner. It's dog meat tonight. One dish is little slices, one is coagulated blood stew, and the other is crunchy, bony small pieces. The idea is to start with a large green leaf, then a piece of vegetable, add some smaller leaves, add the meat, and finally add a small piece of star fruit. Then you put the whole concoction into your mouth, chew and enjoy all the various flavors. The complex taste that emerges over time is quite special.

Dinner also includes squid. During dinner Manh once again shows me his quiet concern for my needs. When I look for and fail to find a piece of star fruit to top off my dog roll, he offers a piece to me from far across the table. Unobtrusively he had been watching me and anticipated my needs. Wow! During the meal I realize that my attention has been completely occupied with the problems of assembling bits and pieces of food, putting them into a leaf, rolling the leaf up, and shoving it into my mouth. I had not taken the time to notice Manh?s problems or the problems of anyone else for that matter.

After dinner we go visit the mother of uncle Cuong's wife who I have been told is in ?the village?. From the description I get the impression that it is located at some distance. We drive by car a bit South on highway 1 and then West down a dirt road. Actually, we could have walked there. The grandmother is in her 80's and always has someone staying with her at night. Hang will stay with her for a second night. The room arrangement is dominated by an ancestral altar, a table at about my shoulder height. There are pictures of dead ancestors and various objects on the table. Two beds are on either side and two large wooden chairs are in front of the altar. She sits in one chair on the left and I sit in the other. The rest of the guests sit in small plastic chairs, on stools, or stand.

The family talks and most are seemingly unaware of me. Finally we get up to go and on my departure the grandmother grabs my hand and lets loose with a string of loud Vietnamese. I have no idea what she is saying and Thang does not translate. We return by motorcycle, the car has been returned. We go out for an Internet run. One after another we visit full to over flowing Internet shops. It is clear that the Internet is the chief entertainment for the young people of this small town (and, I get the impression, many other towns in Asia). We search until we finally find one with empty seats. The connection is good, but LAUSD fails to connect to my terminal. After the Internet it's time for bed.

Questions:

Do you think Thang will find Go Dau the same or different when he returns in four years?
Do you think it is alright for me to get a temporary wife in Vietnam?
What do you think of the idea of a "paper wedding".

July 11.doc

A Symphonic Meal

We catch the bus back to Go Dau at about 6 am after eating a bowl of noodles, but no shower. A Shower would be inconvenient because it is located in the food preparation area. Hang will remain hehind at home and continue from there on to school.

Thang compares riding the bus to participating in a video game of avoidance, but its real. The horn plays a large role as to who gets the right of way. It is still over cast and cool so that our ride, while long, is not overly hot and stuffy.

We return at noon, shower up and eat. The meal is memorable. It is at the uncle Tuan(11) and his wife's place. They both have just catered a wedding reception for 200 people. Thang says that she does very well catering for up to 15 large receptions per month. I think that anyone who has his or her reception catered by uncle Tuan and his wife are lucky. The taste of each dish is quite distinctive. It?s like eating a symphony of tastes and mixing together to create a beautiful melody.

Thang tells me how he handled weight loss when he was on his high school wrestling team. He ate a big breakfast, a good lunch, ran 3 miles, joined wrestling practice in the afternoon, ate a light dinner, and ran 3 miles before bed. Sensible loss would be 4 pounds per month to get to 6 x 4 = 25 pounds in six months. When he was wrestling he use to have to drop his weight from 120 to 115 pounds before matches which is a large percentage of his total body weight, significantly more that wrestlers in other weight categories. Wrong ways of loosing weight cause high school wrestlers to "pop" or gain excessive weight after they graduate and stop wrestling. He says his yoyo dieting has caused some long-term harm to his digestive system and makes his stomach sensitive.

I asked him why he did not continue wrestling in college. He wrestled only three years out of four in high school and achieved exceptional results in that period by qualifying for the California State competitions. He said that it was one of the mistakes that he made in his life. In high school he received lots of glory and got use to it. He got written up weekly in the newspaper. In Junior College, on the other hand, he received little support or public recognition. Also, he was putting himself through school. He had to earn money. He lost interest in competition and started coaching wrestling.

Giang comes to Thang's room and we work on English and Vietnamese. I am very tired after the long trip and it's hard to concentrate.

Questions:

Do some meals taste better than others?
Does this depend more of the ingredients or on the person who cooks the meal?
If you are participating in one sport what things do you have to think about in order to perform well?

[Edit by="rwalcott on Sep 9, 9:34:25 PM"][/Edit]

July 12.doc

Late for Dinner

Swimming is supposed to happen this morning. The phone starts ringing at 5:10 am; a long series of rings followed up by a long tune. Someone keeps calling every 10 minutes. The tunes change for three more phone calls and then someone adjusts the phone so that you do not get a tune following the rings. At 6 am I go down and tell Thang I think his cousins are calling. It is clear that he is not getting up.

I borrow a bicycle and start to explore. I am determined to find all the places that I have been driven to by motorcycle. I find the gym easily, but it's much harder to find the uncles who live near by. After much trial and error I find the home of each uncle, one by one. I find aunt Van's(1) jewelry store last. I strike up a conversation with her husband Minh and find out he is Chinese and speaks Chinese. He writes his name, Zhi ha, in Chinese characters for me. I can remember bits of my one-year of Chinese study at U.C.L.A. The very little bit pleases him. I pedal all morning and return by 11 am. Lunch is at Giang?s and we have a "healthy" greens and egg dish, shrimp, another type of greens, fish and rice. It is all very good. I am beginning to appreciate all the different flavors that I failed to grasp in the beginning of my stay. My taste for Vietnamese food is developing.

Two new girls are at lunch who are close friends of Giang and her family. One is 22 years old and the other is 20. The 20 year old speaks French and is in the second year of a four-year course. She would like to be a full time French professor and a part time news reporter. She expects to earn 5,000,000 D a month. Her French is quite good. I can easily understand what she says.

After lunch I take a shower at home and follow Thang back to Giang's where the two girls are taking a nap. They get up and Thang lies down and starts getting very affectionate with Giang. I'm beginning to wonder how he gets away with it. On the one hand it's a way for the girls to joke around in a nonthreatening, maybe non-sexual, way with a man. Hit him touch him, massage him play fight, and in that way get ready for a normal relationship with their future lover or husband. The 22-year-old girl leaves and the 20-year-old girl stays to read at the desk. Thang and Giang talk and kid around in bed. I head home to read and study Vietnamese.

Thang comes by to organize the troupes to go weight lifting. There are too many for two few scooters. Transport and people are adjusted and everyone gets to the gym in the end. This afternoon turns out to be a good experience weight lifting for me. We get done and I feel rather exhausted, but in a good way. I come back with Giang's younger bother, Thien, but he forgets to tell me to shower right away. In fact we are running late for dinner, but I am unaware of this. Since I do not know and I am thirsty, I go to Giang's house for water and company. Thang comes rushing over and informs me that we are already late by 15 minutes, which becomes 25 minutes after I quickly shower and change.

We arrive at aunt Vans(1) house and Thang learns from her husband that she is angry because we are so late. Dinner comes out immediately. It is some kind of turtle with pickled cabbage (there is an unusual taste in the pickled cabbage). It's a great meal. After eating it's home and I go to Giang's to read and study early because she and Thang are going out for a scooter ride somewhere. When it comes time to go Giang's mother decides that the entire group should go on a long walk and off we go at a quick pace. After the walk we go home and it is decided that we will really go swimming tomorrow morning because people outside the Doan family are going. Thang is referring to the 20 and 22 year old girlfriends of Giang.

It's hard to sleep because an alarm keeps going off in the night Maybe it's coming from one of the uncle's rooms.

Questions:

Have you ever disliked some kind of food and later learned to like it?
Has anyone ever been angry with you for coming late to dinner?
[Edit by="rwalcott on Sep 9, 9:43:47 PM"][/Edit]

July 13.doc

Finally We Swim

We really do get up early and head for swimming before 6 am and arrive at the pool at 6. It is a small party, Thang, Giang, the 20 and 22-year-old girls, Manh, and his two friends. Manh has not been around for two days. He has not been sleeping in Thang's room at night and he has not been at meals. Evidently he has been spending all his time with his two friends. The pool is almost empty and it's easy to swim laps. Thang is really good about keeping everyone entertained. He roams from one cousin to another. I try to help Ja mai and Giang to breath while swimming. Thang is also helping Giang to learn swimming. He also makes sure that Giang's two friends are entertained. In the middle of our swim Thang organizes a contest to see who can swim the furthest under water. And at the end of the swim Thang develops a new strenuous sport where we all line up at the deep end of the pool and jump in and out of the water as fast as we can. The sides of the pool are tiled and very slippery. It is very difficult to grab hold and get out of the pool.

Thang said he joined the swim team in high school just to learn to swim and they made him do the 500-meter race. I guess he didn't do well at swimming from the way he says this. This is confirmed much later in a conversation we have in the US. It seems there was a girl on the swim team, not a particularly bright star, who could swim faster than Thang even if he wore fins.

At 8:30 we return home. I borrow the bike and make the rounds of all the uncles. I am quite proud of myself for being able to find each address without much trouble. I return at 10:30 to study with Giang. We study until lunch and eat at the aunt's house next to Giang's. Fish and greens and roast pork. Delicious! I am really enjoying this variety of good food.

I return home to shower and study. Afternoon includes a nape and Vietnamese study. In the late afternoon our group heads for the gym with badminton included as a new activity. It's a light work out day and I?m amazed about how much I sweat playing a little badminton. It's the high humidity that must cause this. Dinner includes dog and other things. I return home to study.

Questions:

If you are the leader of the group how do you keep everyone together?
If you follow a leader what do you expect him or her to do?
How does Thang keep everyone together at the swimming pool?

July 14.doc

Terms of Address

No swimming today. I take the bike on a short trip to visit the family while all sleep. I work with Giang on Vietnamese personal pronouns and finally understand something (for the time being). Within the family you call someone not based on your age vs. theirs, but on the age of your father vs. his or her father. So, since Thang's father is the number two son in the family, Thang ranks above all his family members whose relationship to their parent is below his parent. Thang?s only older relationships are his aunt Van(1). Giang's father is younger than Thang's father. Therefore Giang calls Thang "ahn" and Thang calls Giang "chau" even if they are about the same age, 25 and 22 respectfully. Now, if someone is outside of your family, then you address them by age similarly or difference, one on one.

And further, within the family you can introduce someone on behalf of your child. That means you include your relationship and that of the child in your greeting. I speculate that this helps to cement the family relationships even closer by implying that you have a special relationship to not only a relative, but also to his or her child.

Thang says that within a family it would be impossible, insulting even, just like using an explicative, for a younger status person to say a lower status relationship signifier to a higher status person. He cannot imagine it ever happening. On the other hand, he can call his very young relatives just about anything and get away with it.

That afternoon I have a terrible Gym workout. I never seem to be able to get started. I'm too distracted for some reason. It seems that before I even get started it's time to go.

After dinner an unusually large number of cousins has gathered to spend the night in Thang's room. I am summarily dismissed because it is decided that they will turn out the lights and tell ghost stories.


Questions:
What are some of the terms of address you can use within your family?
What terms can you never use with family members?

July 15.doc

The Concert

No swimming again today, but I take the bike out to find the swimming pool. At the main street I turn in wrong direction and get lost several times. Finally, by asking people by using swimming motions, I actually find the place. Later, I realize that the accomplishment of finding the poor our group visits is a small miracle because there are many public swimming pools in town.

Passing the pool I continue down the narrow road to a wide main road and turn right. This road leads over a railroad bridge with narrow, one way, and one-lane motorcycle or bicycle paths on either side of the track. The bridge bike path is made up of uneven wooden planks, which make it difficult to navigate. After the bridge I keep pedaling through rice paddies. Along right side of the road are several clearings where workers make bricks for building houses. There are some elaborate grave markers in some of the rice paddies.

After about four or five miles I arrive in a village. I turn around and begin heading home. I'm, about to leave the village when I notice vendors selling food. A snack would be quite nice at this point. I stop and have black bean and other strange stuff in a glass. The lady wants to know what county I come from and where I am going. She doesn't ask me my age and height. I have actually learned enough Vietnamese by this point to make it through her interrogation.

I return to town and visit a few uncles. They don't rally know what to do with me because I cannot communicate in Vietnamese with them. But I really try to look cheerful and interested. Only uncle Minh seems to enjoy carrying on a lengthy conversation with me. It doesn?t to matter that I understand little of what he is saying. We sit around drinking green tea and make a lot of noise at each other. I enjoy it and I think he does too.

That afternoon I try to study with Giang, but I can tell that it?s not going to happen. She does help me buy my air ticket to Saigon, which costs 1,000,000 Dong or a little less than $100. I will take the evening flight on the 21st at 8 pm and get in at 10 pm, a bit late. I will miss the view of the countryside from the air. Also, I will have to wait in the airport for 4 or 5 hours after Thang departs to catch my flight. He will depart in the afternoon around four. I could have chosen an earlier departure, but I do not want to miss the departure of Thang. He assures me that the final lunch will be grand. I am sure that it will be. A 24 seat mini bus will be rented to get everyone to the Hanoi airport and back. It will be a production the likes of which I have never experienced.

In the evening we have a huge meal at uncle Hoan's(13) house, the youngest uncle. All the other two uncles in that neighborhood gather at the hairdresser shop. It?s a great meal with fish wrapped in aluminum foil, duck, and greens. Great food.

During dinner Thang's uncle (the husband of aunt Nga(3)) invites me to accompany him to a concert of a young girl of 9 who has an unusually fine voice. Thang is not going, but I accept the offer. Manh takes me home by scooter and we wait around for quite some time. The uncle is not around.

Finally, the uncle shows up with more tickets so that four of us can go (plus the two small girls who do not need tickets.) The concert is just around the corner form our house. It's a large outdoor amphitheater and its full with 2-3 thousand in the audience. The production has already started and our seats are taken. We awkwardly clear a place where other people are seating. Our seats must be expensive because they are quite close to stage center.

When we arrive a clown is doing an interlude with children from the audience. Winners get prizes. Next the soloist comes out with her father and they sing a duet. The audience is very short on applause and this remains true for the entire show. The little girl sings quite a large number of solos. Each solo is staged in a different costume with a different partner (the partners revolve). Her younger brother also has a solo.

A troupe of lion dancers brings in latticework like set, which they placed across the front of the stage. At first it is difficult to figure out its use. But soon two men in a lion suit appear and it becomes clear that the set is a raised pathway of small, precarious steps. The coordination of the two men is phenomenal. Part of the act is for the lion to act afraid to proceed across the raised path and almost fall off at certain points. When this happens (about thee times) assistants hold up a decorated box into which the lion pokes his foot. The box then explodes with a bang and a shower of confetti. The lion?s walk is accompanied by fast rhythmic Chinese drumming. Later in the program a second two man lion joins the first. The two lions balance on a ball and a teeterboard.

All the above serves as an interlude between the soloist's songs. She goes on singing karaoke style until the finale where she is joined by the entire cast. All the boys join together in an elaborate dragon dance. There are lighting effects; I note that light through fog is preferred.

The soloist?s English is quite good. The day before it was noted that a foreigner was seen walking on the street. Day after day I see no foreigners in town so this is quite unusual. It turns out that he is her English tutor. She also sings in Chinese. I wonder if she has a Chinese tutor as well?

With all the people present it gets quite warm and close even if it is in the open. All my concert companions note that I have been nodding off during the concert. Yes, when the amplification gets loud enough to shatter and distort the sound coming into my ears (In one number the sound was painfully cranked up), and when it gets hot and humid, I tend to take a vacation, in other words, take a nap.

Thang is waiting when we return. We go for a long walk with Gian's mother. This is becoming a habit, a really nice one. Giang very kindly and patiently helps me to memorize relationship names (Father, Mother, sister brother uncles older and younger, aunts older and younger).

At home there is really quite a crowd in Thang's room. Next we adjourn to uncle Hao's(6) house down the street for TV shows, company and karaoke. All of us end up back at Thang's. The room is full to overflowing. I read for a bit and play guitar. Finally, I leave because I am getting tired. I guess they may stay up until 2 or 3 am talking.

Questions:

Are any of your friends good at the performing arts?
Why are some people good at it, even at an early age and some are not?

July 16.doc

Moving the Dresser Upstairs

I get up at 6:15 and look in at Thang's room to see if anyone wants to go swimming. Manh is out in the entry room asleep on the floor. I looks like he's been kicked out. It turns out the room is too cold for him with the air conditioner turned on. I get to the swimming pool at 6:20 and swim for about an hour. There are about 10 other swimmers there so laps are easy to complete.

I get back and everyone is going for breakfast to the eggs and French bread place around the corner. Back from that and Thang and I take Giang to the railroad station to go for her test in Hanoi.

Vietnamese have the following tests as they progress through their academic careers: entrance to middle school (grades 6-9), entrance to high school (grades 10-12), entrance to college, and selection for a job. Each of the first three tests determine the quality of the institution one attends. For example, high-test scores get you into a highly ranked Middle School.

Lunch is at the upstairs uncle Tuan's(11) place. They have prepared yet another great meal. After lunch I have a nap and study Vietnamese. At 3 pm we go to look for shoes. I get confused because we go to the uncle Huan's(13) and wait around. He is placing permanent make up (tattoos) on a lady customer's eyebrows. Thang's sister in the US has a license to do it. I wonder if the uncle has a Vietnamese license. After a while it's clear that the uncle cannot leave work to look at shoes. Finally, it's made clear to me how the uncle is involved. It seems that a friend of the uncle makes supposedly terrific shoes that Thang may buy. So the uncle had told Thang to come by when he has time to go to see the friend. So Thang counters that he will come tomorrow at 11:23 am. Thang's uncle gives him a strange look. A few day later Thang does look at the shoes. He really does not like them, but he buys them anyway because he feels an obligation to his uncle.

We head home and just hang out. Thang mentions one thing he dislikes about Vietnamese culture. It is the blunt way they talk about people. If someone is fat they just say so. Was someone talking about me? (I really doubt it.)

We have dinner with uncle Tu(12) and hang out some more until we head for an Internet shop. At the shop after I check my mail there is not much for me to do. Thang is trying to get guitar tabs for Giang's brother, Thien. I head back home to write. A little later I get a call to go the Giang's house. When I arrive I see Thang and about five others trying to move a huge heavy dresser up the narrow winding stairwell to the top floor room. I join in the struggle. Dust and dirt is falling off the dresser onto us and it becomes very hot work. We succeed in the end. I go back and get a much-needed shower at home and then return for a reward of ice cream and frozen yogurt. We all watch television. The event is the Taiwan World 9-Ball Pool Contest. I cannot believe that I am watching such boring television. I cannot believe that such a sport, if you can call it that, exists. It's even worse that watching golf. After that we return home and I play guitar in Thang's room and plan for swimming tomorrow.


Questions:

Who has more tests during their school days, Vietnamese or Americans?
Do you think that you would ever get a tattoo?
[Edit by="rwalcott on Sep 9, 10:17:38 PM"][/Edit]

July 17.doc

The Hair Wash

We actually do get up for swimming. It's Saturday and there are significantly more people at the pool. After swimming we all have breakfast and then go to uncle Hoan's(13) to have a hair wash. Actually, we make a detour to the central market and visit uncle Hien(5) at his clock shop to ask about glasses for me. He has a friend who sells them. At uncle Hoan's he is curling eyelashes for a customer. His complete line of work is curling eye lashes, applying permanent eye brows, applying semi-permanent lip stick (It lasts about two years), hair curling and hair straitening. In other words he supplies much of the agony women go through to look beautiful. And they pay him for it!

Tran Anh is ready to wash our hair and Thang asks me if I want to go first. I am really sleepy and decide to rest a bit in the uncle's top floor room while Thang gets his hair washed. They come up and find me asleep and don't wake me so I miss my morning hair wash. My error for being a nice guy and letting Thang go first. I should be more assertive and just insisted on going first. After all they asked me if I wanted to go first and like a fool I agreed to wait. On the other hand, for some reason I was really sleepy at that point. I don't know why I was so sleepy.

After lunch Thang asks me if I want to go to his uncle's house. He doesn't mention which uncle, but I say fine. It's back to the uncle Hoan's and Thang's hair cut. The hair cut lasts more than two hours; it seems interminable. It's time enough to cut each hair on his head individually. I begin to wonder what is going on. How could a haircut possibly take this long? While the haircut is going on I go out walking in various directions from the shop. I go out and check back about 6 times, but each time I return the hair cutting is still going on. Walking at this time of day turns out to be a big mistake. I get totally baked by the early afternoon heat and humidity. Finally, when I'm truly burning in mind and body, Tran Anh arrives to wash my hair. At first I stubbornly say "no", then I think it over quickly, clam down, reverse my decision, and say "yes". I realize that I have made the right choice because it would be small of me to deny her the job when she came all the way over in the heat to do it. The hair wash cools me down and makes me feel really good. After the hair wash there is not time for the gym and we go directly to a huge meal with all the uncles present at home.

Returning to the question of Thang's hair cut, earlier Thang said that if he were a multi millionaire he would fly back every week to have his hair cut by is uncle, because his uncle can cut his hair better than anyone else in the world. I listened to this with some interest and just assumed that Thang preferred to have his hair cut often and by his uncle. I knew that Thang is a bit of a perfectionist about his looks and let it go at that. What I did not know is that Thang's hair is definitely a problem. It is so thick that it doesn't fall over like most people. It just keeps growing strait out from his head. Since his hair, like most peoples, grows unevenly, it begins to look strange if it is not cut every week. This became apparent when he came to Los Angeles the weekend of August 23rd. Someone (his sister?) had cut his hair really short above his ears but the rest of his hair was really long. It all looked out of balance. Thang said that for a while when he was wrestling in high school he shaved off all his hair. This hair cut by his uncle on August 17th was the last one he would have before his return to the U.S. When the uncle had finished the hair cut looked really good.

I find out that Thang's house on 46 Ngo Quyen Street was build three years ago for $20,000 paid for by Thang?s father, Hung(2). When Thang visited four years ago a one-story house stood on that location. Thang stayed with Giang's family because there was no room in the one-story building. In the 20's when the uncles had new families there were more than twenty people living in this small building.

Thang wonders what Hai Doung will look like years form now. The community has already undergone considerable expansion since he visited four years ago and there is no reason for that expansion to slow down. The tree-lined streets are narrow and remind me of European towns. But they are presently jammed with bicycles and motorcycles. What if the economy improves and people start driving cars through the narrow streets? I suggest that expansion might force a shift in the commercial center of town. Thang says that most Vietnamese would rather venture no more than two to three kilometers from their home so he thinks that neighborhoods in the future will look the same. The Vietnamese will tend to build new, small neighborhoods and not consolidate the many small businesses into a large urban unit.


Questions:


It is said that you should "let a sleeping dog alone." Is this true for humans?
Is it all right if someone wakes you up, or do you prefer to be left sleeping?
What changes have occurred in your neighborhood? Are there any new buildings?

July 19.doc

The Aunt From Germany


Monday is the day we will meet the aunt Oanh(10)who has been working in Germany. She has been away for seven years so Thang has not met her. She has been divorced twice (later I find out it's three times). She left the first husband; the second one left her for a younger wife.

We go, against the aunts Vin's(1) orders, swimming at 5:30 so we can finish by 6:30 and catch the bus by 7:30. The twin uncles(5,6) arrange the transport, a 24-seat bus that costs about $40. We do get back home on time form the swimming pool. Breakfast is offered. Thang begs off eating and so do I, I'm not particularly hungry. The bus loads up and we are away.

At the airport the family plans to play a little joke on the aunt upon her arrival. Thang has never met his aunt and she has never met him. The plan is for Thang to grab her as she exits the baggage pickup and customs and give her a familiar hug and then tell her that he is her nephew. We wait and wait. The whole family is involved in the set up. They all watch to see from which door she will exit. All the other arrivals have been exiting from the right hand door. But when it comes to her turn she exits from the left door, but then, does not go strait ahead into the waiting crowd. She turns right and crosses to the right and then forward into the crowd. Thang all the time is trying to out maneuver her. Finally, grabs her and gives her a hug. She is quite surprised and not particularly delighted. She doesn?t get, or go along with the joke. Actually, she looks a bit bossy and cold. The reception did not go well.

I think that humor is sometimes an excellent window into a culture. In this same situation what would the reception have looked like had it gone extremely well? In the first place the aunt could see all her relatives standing just outside in the crowd waiting for her. She even waved at some of them through the large windows in the barrier. Next she should have noticed where all the other arrivals were making their exit and left by the right hand, not the left hand, door. Next, when this strange young man came up to give her a hug she should have appeared quite surprised and delighted, returned his hug, stopped to talk with him, find out who he was, and then laugh with him about the joke. Finally, it would have been the perfect entrance for her to laugh about all this with all the rest of her relatives. After all, with an armed Vietnamese policeman present and a gaggle of relatives looking on she should have known that she was not in danger. If anything out of the ordinary occurred it must be part of a joke set up by her family.

To carry this scene off well the aunt would have had to have had a tremendous amount of social savvy, and self-control. She would have had to think quickly on her feet, assume that her family would plan a little farce and posses an unusual good sense of humor to accept it, even in a moment of extreme stress and confusion. In short, she would had to have had lots of a playful quality that I have seen in some people, particularly women, in Vietnam. Was this what the family was looking for and expecting in their aunt? I notice other Vietnamese arrive and it's quite emotional for some. One woman carries on in a protracted crying state. Did the aunt's family want to avoid this?

We wait a long time at the airport because she has brought gifts to distribute: cherries, plums, and apples. Of course I don't eat them because I can get these fruits at home and the family here may have never tasted them. Another gift that the men get are elaborate plastic watches that measure the heart rate. The watches have quite a number of functions.

The family groups gather in the airport, talk and exchange gifts. I notice other foreigners disembarking. I see them walking alone through the crowds with no one in the world to meet them. There I am on the outside of the family thing.

I even remember the times when I would leave or return after being away from my family for one or two years. I would leave on the bus from Pasadena or take the bus from LAX to Pasadena. There was no thought of my parents fighting the airport traffic or paying for the parking at LAX to see me off or meet me when I returned. Renting an entire bus for this occasion is quite different from my world.

The aunt is making a permanent return to Vietnam so she has shipped 200 pounds of freight baggage that takes three hours to arrive. It will arrive at another location in the airport.

All of us pile in the van and drive down the road about one mile to a roadside restaurant where we have a meal. I note that all the uncles sit at one table, the cousins at another and the women at the same long table as the cousins, but further down. We eat various dishes, rice and soup. I note that Thang is not eating much. We pile on the bus again and drive back to the airport where the aunt and a couple of women relatives are waiting. We drive form the passenger airport to the freight airport (the old airport). It is a long wait and it?s hot. I wait on the bus until the driver stops the engine and turns off the air conditioning. We've seen this problem before.

The family sits to the side of a building in the shade of a couple of threes with a small dirty stream flowing by. There is someone fishing in it and he has caught a rather large fish considering the stream is one to two inches deep.

Thang and his cousins play a game with green nuts growing on one of the trees. The running joke is to call them green litchis. Manh picks the nuts and throws them down and we try to kick them like soccer balls. But they are about one inch in diameter and hard. It stings to kick them. Then Manh throws the nuts down and his cousins throw them back at him hitting him. We go to a place to have pork buns. I decline. It's too hot to eat. Also, I decline any drink because I'm unsure of the ice.

After some time we walk over to customs where the aunt's baggage is being looked through. Next, her baggage is packed up again and we wait even longer. It is implied that the customs officials are giving her a hard time-delaying things-until a bribe is paid. Finally, after about half an hour some paper work is completed and we haul the bags back to the bus. The Bus driver objects to the baggage because the bus is already full of people coming out to the airport. Uncle Cuong(8) shows up with a car and some of the bus passengers drive with him taking a little pressure of the bus. The bag finally gets fitted in.

On the bus trip home Thang reminds me that he arranged to get me out of this trip to the airport. I could have stayed with uncle Minh and avoided the trip. I counter that in spite of the long wait and consequently long all-day venture (we were supposed to get back at noon) I would not have missed the trip for the world. It?s so unusual for me to experience an event where a family rents an entire bus so that a large group can meet someone at the airport.

It's clear that Thang would have gotten out of this obligation if he could have, but his aunt, Van(1), told him that he must be present. It would be an insult for him not to be there. He says that he is extremely tired because his cousins kept him up. Thang is concerned about Aunt Oanh because she seems cold and distant. Also, he doesn't like the way she has spoken to the others; she's spoken in a rude way. I counter that it is very stressfull to return home after seven years permanently. She may not be herself. It's clear Thang thinks this is no excuse.

We get back home and Aunt Oanh goes to her room and more bags are opened and more gifts are distributed. Quite a lively party ensues. Thang does not join in with the others, but stays in his room.
Dinner is served on long tables set up for all on the lower floor eating area. It is for a large gathering of the whole Nguyen clan. This is the largest gathering that I have seen during my stay. All the cousins sit at the back end of the table. I sit on the border between them and the uncles and the women sit over on the side.

During the meal Uncle Cuong leaves. I don't know what is happening. One of his driving companions waves at me first and then I see Thang at his uncle?s car across the street. So I get up to say goodbye. When I get there Thang gives me a funny look. I tell him to tell his uncle that I enjoyed staying at his house and he does.

When I return to the table Thang is not there and I look around for him. Tran Anh tells me that Thang is sad and crying. I can't understand what she is saying at first because the message is so unbelievable. But I finally get the message, find out he is up in his room and go up to see him. Thang's in bed with the lights off so I ask him if he's ok and he says he needs some time alone.

I go back, finish the meal and go up to my room. Giang comes up and says that she would like to study (Earlier she said that she wouldn't have time.). So, she goes back to her place to get something and I get a stool from down stairs. I ask if she wants to study at her place, but she says no. She says that Thang got up, ate a couple of bowls of rice. Now he will rest for an hour and then things will be back to normal. I think that she wants to be studying in my room to be close by to Thang and ready to join the party when it starts up again.

After one hour of study we go back to Thang?s room and there is a crowd of people, some women with babies, who I have never seen before. Thang is almost his usual self, but about down two energy notches. When the group with the babies leave Thang says, "That was quite a crowd? and then suggests that we all go to visit aunt Oanh(10) . Thang tells me specifically to come along. She is sitting on the floor facing the wall, and is clearly upset. So after a few words the group retreats back to Thang's room.

The cousins gather and the room really fills up. I'm reading and enjoying the scene. Tran Anh asks me if I will massage her so I do. Mean while Giang and Young are massaging each other. Thang helps out with Giang. Some of the cousins are massaging each other. Finally the lights are reduced and I make my exit. Tran Anh asked me if I want to sleep in Thang's room for the night, but I say that I cannot because I am not a cousin and some of the parents of the girls would not approve of my presence. She tells me that aunt Nga(3) is sleeping over because Thang is sad.

Returning to my room I notice the altar has added items, a bottle of Hennessy on either side, 2 boxes of Raffaello confections, a carton of Malboros, a carton of 555 Filter Kings. These are probably gifts for the ancestors from aunt Oanh. It?s 11 pm and I fall into a deep sleep.

Questions:

If you flew somewhere who would you expect to come to see you off?
If you were in aunt Oanh's place how well would you have done?
Do you think that joke that the family planned for her was funny or sad?

July 20.doc

Cat for Lunch


I wake up at about 6 am when aunt Nga(3) walks through my room. A little later Giang is sitting in the door to the balcony to my room staring out. Aunt Nga comes through again and says something to her and she continues to sit looking out. I can tell she is moody and upset.

I go down to the bathroom and see Thang coming out. He asks about Giang and I tell him that she is up in my room. When I get out of the bathroom Thang and Giang are talking in my room. They continue on and on. All are asleep in Thang's room. I had intended to go swimming. so I do. It has been raining hard in the morning hours and is still raining. I bike out to the pool and have it all to myself. I swim form 6:40 to about 8:00. I'm feeling very sad and emotional on my next to last day with the family and all the swimming makes me feel better. I pedal back home through the rain. I guess the Vietnamese think that I'm crazy, but it isn't so bad. The rain is warm and I just shower and change into dry clothes when I get back.

All are up in Thang's room, but Thang is not there. I wait until the bathroom is free, get showered, shaved, and put on dry clothes. Some of the cousins are around. I go up to Giang's to see if Thang is there. Giang?s mother says they are upstairs and calls for Giang. Giang comes down and says she and Thang are talking and maybe I can stay down stairs and talk with her mother. Gainag's mother sees a hole in my t-shirt and asks to repair it. She puts on an American movie about poisonous spiders. It's kind of scary.

After a while Giang's mother tells me to go up stairs to Thang and Giang. I get there and ask Thang if he needs to talk more with Giang. He says that he would appreciate some time to talk with her alone. So, I go back and finish my movie. My shirt is repaired and I return to my room.

In a while Thang calls me for lunch. We are finally going to have our "cat" meal. We ride motor scooters around the corner to a restaurant. It looks like a home. We go upstairs. We are the only ones there. A platter of dog and of cat is brought in. Thang and I drink water while his two uncles are drinking strong liqueur served in shot glasses; I guess this occasion calls for something stronger than beer. The uncles that invite us are Nga's(3) husband and Hien(5). Big pieces of chitin, leaves (maybe leaves form a Ginkgo tree, and intestine are brought in. We get another helping of cat. Then, all is cleared off and a pot is put on the table with aheating element underneath. It comes to a boil. Thang is given the cat's head including the brain. I'm given a leg. It?s all in a thick soup, but we just pick out pieces of meat. Earlier French bread was served to soak up the gravy of the cat dish. No rice is served at all.

All during the meal Thang talks about various topics. First about him bawling last night. He is getting increasingly emotional about leaving, he is not sleeping at night, his cousins left the bathroom a mess after he asked them to clean it up, and he was very tired because of the trip to the airport to pick up his aunt. The trip was like a prelude to what he will have to do tomorrow. It just all came together and he had to bawl it out. He is fairly macho, but he does get emotional from time to time. But, he doesn't often cry and usually keeps his emotions in control. We agree that men need to be left alone in this kind of situation and get it together on their own. Women, on the other hand, should never be left alone when they get emotional even if they say they need to be alone. This is true even if a man is extremely uncomfortable in their presence.

Thang in returning to Vietnam wonders about his future mate. Should she be Vietnamese and be able to speak the language and follow the customs. If she were not Vietnamese she would not be able to relate well to the Vietnamese Nguyens, or his father's side of the family living in Vietnam. At present his girl friend is a Japanese national who he met at UCLA. He lived with while he was studying there and teaching in Los Angeles. When he moved back to San Leandro she returned to Japan and now works there.

Thang's sister ordered 600 silver necklaces to be made by her relatives in Vietnam. But his sister asked her relatives to front the $1200 needed for the materials. She asked the relatives if this would be acceptable to them and Thang says, "Of course they said 'yes' even if it wasn't OK and would be a hardship for
them." Thang says that his sister should never have put her relatives in that position. So, Thang put up $200 to buffer the cost. He thinks money had to be borrowed form other relatives to meet the cost. $1200 could amount to a year's wages in some people's case. Thang is clearly upset with his sister for not being more socially sensitive in this situation. The necklaces are to be sold as part of his sister's venture into fashion. She hopes to go into business by designing clothes and accessories and develop a brand name. I mention that I have friends whose family was in this business and that it is a very competitive field. Thang said that he had loaned his sister $30,000 toward achieving her goal, which is a lot of money for him.

In the past Thang's father, Hung(2) lost his temper when he visited his family in Vietnam. Evidently he is aware of his status as second oldest (a birthright) and his economic status as a US earner. Lately, however, his temper is less evident and he has become less autocratic. In other words, in his mature years he is mellowing out. He is beginning to respect Thang enough to follow his advise and not yell at family members.

Thang has been told that he is the favorite in his family. The reason for this is that he relates to all ages, visits everyone regularly, and brings his cousins together by sponsoring breakfast, swimming, weight lifting, and desserts on the town. When Thang traveled south to see his uncle suddenly life returned to normal and Giang was sad that the cousins were not together. So Thang's presence makes a huge difference in the family?s texture, particularly for the younger set.

I asked how the family likes me being there. I confessed that I could not view my image to the outside very well. He said they liked me. I was fine.

Then we talked about the aunt Oanh(10) who has just returned from Germany. She has been divorced three, not twice. During her third marriage she went to Germany to make money and sent money home for seven years. But, her Vietnamese husband living in Go Dau left her for a 23 year old. Thang's aunt has come back messed up because she cannot even buy a house. Her former husband spent all the money she sent back. Thang would like to deck him. Also, she made tainted money in Germany by selling illegal items, probably stolen goods. So, she has lost her moral standards by making money in a shady manner.

Thang is proud to be a good example for his cousins, although they may be tired of hearing it form their parents. In the future he sees himself as a principal of a school, maybe even a school superintendent. He feels that it is important to make money in a legal manner so that one may be morally upright and proud in the way money is gathered. This is in opposition to his aunt who makes money in any manner.

One of the first things she said to him when she met him was about setting up paper marriages for his cousins so that they could some to the US. Thang thinks that this is an example of the way he aunt thinks. She thinks about money first rather than about relationships and people. Maybe that is why she as been so unlucky in marriage.

Thang is sorry that there are just two days overlap in the time his aunt is around and he is present. He would like to get to know her, but he cannot or will not be able to in so short a time. In my opinion this view shows Thang's admirable positive and open side. In spite of a bad first impression at the airport and her sad history, he is still open to knowing his aunt better and perhaps discovering her better qualities.

Thang?s favorite cousin is Giang. She has the most potential to succeed if she would be able to come to the US for study. Her English is very fluid and her vocabulary is good. Also, she has clear goals and the ambition to reach them. His cousin Duc, the son of Vinh(7)is also very close, but his English is not as good. He relates to Duc because they both work out and develop their bodies. They talk about girls together in the same way. But their managerial style differs. Thang likes a more cooperative style while Duc is more dictatorial in his approach. Thang has talked to him about this to see if he could modify his style.

Thang would like to help Giang financially get to the US, but this might create misunderstandings and hard feelings in the extended family. Thang is aware of the problem of maintaining balance within the family.

Thang tells me that at first he thought I should leave before his aunt arrived, but now thinks it's fine that I stayed because she is messed up and is keeping to herself. Before he felt that the whole family would be busy entertaining her and would have no time for me, but that is not the case up to this point.

He tells me that for the 20th and 21st he will have family business and will not be able to spend time with me. I tell him that I certainly understand this situation and that I am grateful for all the time he has lavished on me up to this point.

That over, we depart while the men stay to drink green tea and talk. We find our way back due to Thang's keen eye; it's just around the corner form where we eat breakfast. In the afternoon I am on my own and I go around town saying hi to everyone. I go to the uncle Hoan's(13) shop and ask about the hair wash, which was supposed to be scheduled to Tuesday. Its 5:30 and it?s too late for his employee to do it now.

I return home to find that tables are set up in the lower shop in preparation for a large dinner. Up in my room before dinner I observe the twin Uncles praying in front of the family altar and burning incense. Food is brought up to the altar. I kind of delay taking a shower and Thang looks at me in a way that says I should get going and stop starring. I delay and say I want to see. Finally, I get a shower and head for dinner.

The cousins sit together in back, then Thang, me, Ming and all the uncles and women in front. It's a great meal. The beef stew is especially tasty and tender. The uncles are drinking the Jack Daniels Red Label that was on the family altar in my room.

After dinner the uncles get in a yelling match. I do not know the reason. But from experience I know that drinking brings on problems like this. I don't ask about it and Thang doesn't tell me. Right away in the middle of the shouting Thang quickly organizes a motorcycle trip for his cousins. I'm almost sure it's to get way form the confusion at home. We just ride around town not going anywhere in particular. On our return Thang and one of his relations go off to return a motorcycle we have borrowed. When he returns Thang asks me if I want to accompany his cousins to eat snails. I say sure. We get ready to go, but his aunt hears about it and gets quite angry because it is her belief that if you eat snails in the evening you get the runs. So the trip is called off.

We go up to the room. It is full of people and I stay until someone tells me everyone is going to sleep. They are not really going to sleep, they are going to talk. I depart and spend a restless night alone.


Question:

Would you eat Dog or Cat meat?
Is it alright to make money any way that you can, or are there limits?
Would you want to get to know the aunt who returned from Germany?

[Edit by="rwalcott on Sep 9, 11:05:19 PM"][/Edit]

July 21.doc

Two Departures

I get up early. I can't sleep. No one is awake, but I still hope someone will decide to go swimming with me. I delay until 6:35, give up and go swimming alone. It is still raining and I get wet both ways. Again I realize by the looks from people along my path that it is not very Vietnamese to get wet in the rain. Probably some superstition warns about catching some illness or another. The pool is empty. Maybe it is also not very Vietnamese to go swimming alone. Maybe it's forbidden to go swimming when it's raining. Anyway, I have a good swim.

Back home Thang and his cousin Young are just getting up. Thang asks me where I went in the morning and seems amused when I tell him. He comments that he didn't know I liked swimming that much. I guess he is trying to make a joke. Maybe he should try again when he is fully awake.

All the cousins go to eat breakfast, but Thang doesn't and neither do I. I'm not really hungry, not even after swimming. Later, Giang says that her mother has boiled some eggs. Would I go there to eat? Thang is going too. They turn out to be fertilized duck eggs that Giang's brother likes. They look really disgusting, but I try one. The egg whites are hard and chewy. I'm used to eating strange food, but, in this case, they make me truly sick. I keep quiet about it. Then Giang's mother gives Thang a set of shot glasses as a present and she gives me a tea set. This really surprises me and makes me very happy.

Giang's mother gives Thang a $100 bill. It seems earlier Thang sold his guitar to Giang's brother, Thien. The guitar originally cost $300. Thang said that it is nice that she gave him the cash in US currency because Vietnamese Dong are valueless outside of the country. He says that he will try to return some of the money at the airport.

After eating duck eggs at Giangs Thang asks me if I want to go to his aunt's house. I ask which one. (See I'm getting smarter by asking where I am going and what will happen there.) It's not that I don't want to go, because I do want very much to be included. It's more that I want to be prepared for what will happen. It turns out to be the aunt with a bad leg, the wife of uncle Hien(5). I ask if it will get better. It seems she has a condition where one leg is shorter than the other so they had to insert a piece of bone in the shorter leg. And, yes, she will get better and not be confined to bed.

We go over and Tran Anh joins us coming on another scooter. After entering through the long corridor we come to the living area. I'm motioned to the couch away form the bed where the aunt is sitting. I pull up a stool near the bed and sit with the rest. Sorry, I don't feel like being relegated to the isolated guest area. I want to be part of the group. Of course I understand nothing and no one is translating. But that's not new. At least I?m in there. We say goodbye.

Now Thang asks me if I want to visit his uncle. I don't know which one, but this time I decide not to ask which one and simply say yes. (See how I'm getting dumber by not asking where I am going and what will happen there). Note here that Thang has not told me which uncle and his has not told me the nature of the visit. I just assume we are going to visit one of his uncles to say goodbye. We drive to the hairdresser shop. Surprise, without warning it is my appointment for a hair wash with the expert hair washer.

This all has a history and goes back to several days when Thang and I visited the aunt with a bad leg. The visit lasted some time. I guess it lasted a bit too long. We next went to uncle Hoan's(13). Thang promptly sat down for a hair wash and facial. It was quite clear that the person in the uncle's employ was more experienced and skillful that Tran Anh and that this experience would be quite special. I was feeling glowing good thoughts for Thang who I knew had planned this special event that included me just before my departure for the US where I would never be able to afford such a treatment. I sat waiting patiently expecting to be next. Like Thang's haircut the session this session took some time to complete.

I?m waiting but I'm getting anxious. It's getting late. Thang gets up and I stand up ready to get my session. Everyone looks surprised. The employee says that she has stayed overtime to take care of Thang and that she is going home. I am told that we arrived late from Thang's aunt's house. So everyone agrees that I will get my hair wash on the following day. On the following day I arrive late at 5:30 and am told I cannot have a hair wash because the employee is busy with someone else. Thang's uncle, her employer, is not around at the time and no one is around to translate and make things nice. So at the big dinner on the previous day I make a complaining joke to Thang's uncle, her employer, that I am upset because I did not receive my hair wash as agreed. I didn't mention that I was very late and had forgotten to get myself over there earlier. Of course, this time Thang is there to translate and therefore my feelings are expressed quite clearly.

Back to my hair wash. Of course this situation embarrasses me. On the 20th Thang made a very reasonable and understandable request to give him some space, because he needed to carry out personal matters before his departure. I agreed to this completely. The last thing Thang needed was to worry about me on the morning of his afternoon departure. Ok. I guess I get major minus Vietnamese points big time. I accept the hair wash and facial. It's truly a great event. I even manage to zone out several times during the treatment in spite of my embarrassment.

On the ride home he asks me if I enjoyed it. Ok, rub it in. Again on the bus to the airport he mentions it again. He's pissed, I think. I'm silently sorry that I got pushy and whiny about it. But, on the other hand, I felt that if I didn't express what I really felt I was being a coward or wimp, and was afraid to just say up front what I really wanted. I remembered when aunt Nga(3) read my palm. She said people interrupted me and I let it go. This time I didn't want to let it go. Maybe there is no happy medium. Actually, if Thang had been up front and told me early that morning that we were going to his uncles for a hair wash I would have either called it off or gone there myself by bike. Actually the bottom line is that he specifically asked me not to intrude on the 20th and 21st because of what he was going through emotionally and I managed to screw it up.

We go home to pack. Earlier I asked Thang is he could take some clothes back for me because they would not all fit in my small back pack and he said that he had more than enough room. But now Thang's suitcase is getting full of stuff that the aunts keep adding. Thus includes many red boxes of some kind of confection.

This changes how much room he has in his suitcase, but at this point, on the very day of departure, it does not change the size of my backpack. At one point Thang asks me if I want a second carryon and holds up a red bag. I miss the cue because I am thinking that I do not want to take someone else's bag and I fail to consider that he doesn't want to take my stuff. So I say no. Not very Vietnamese. Should I have taken the bag? Well, when I arrived in Los Angeles and had to take the local bus form the Airport to Montrose and then walk for over an hour up hill to my house I was very glad that I had not accepted the extra bag. When you do not have a 24-seat bus full of people meeting you at the airport things are not the same as when you have to go it alone. Later, walking up the hill I remembered why I carry such a small pack. All those aunts jamming red boxes of candy should have been thinking of my problems. All those sweets are useless anyway. They only rot peoples' teeth.

Some of the clothes are still wet and Thang doesn't want to take damp clothes in his suitcase. Good idea. In the heat they will quickly grow mold. So, his aunts and cousins will iron dry all the wet clothes including mine. Thang asks me to select which clothes should be dried. How can I select when all the clothes have to be dry. I don't get it.

The bus leaves at 1:30 pm and lunch is at 12:30 and it's 11:30. Thang has told me that the young crowd, his cousins, will go on the bus at his request. Otherwise, they would never get a chance to go. There is one hour and I use it to go by bike to visit all the uncles that I will not see again because they will not be on the bus. This regular visiting thing is something different for me and in doing this I am definitely trying to learn from Thang. Of course I cannot say anything to them and joke around with them like Thang does, but I at least show up. I think they don't mind.

It?s 12:30 and lunch is about to begin. Lunch is at uncle Tuan's(11) place with a big pot of boiled fish and another dish of squid. I sit between Thang and aunt Oanh(10). She asks Thang about me and he tells me to speak German to her. So, I try to speak German, but her accent is very thick. When I ask her what city she has lived in I think she says Brehmenhausen, but I cannot be sure. Her German is very cautious and a bit confusing. In the end German never starts to flow with all the Vietnamese being spoken. Just before lunch is over Thang gets up and leaves and shortly after I follow. From the expression of the aunt maybe I should have stayed. Thang is up stairs because the clothes are coming off the line and need to be sorted and some need to be iron dried (See earlier when I wrote about this). We fiddle around with packing and the bus comes. I have no idea what has been packed in Thang's suitcase and with time so short the suitcase cannot be unpacked to find out. In fact two of my new Foci T-shirts that I bought in Vietnam will be left behind as well a one pair of boxer shorts. The bus arrives, we say goodbye to the uncles and aunts and, yes, Thang?s cousins are on board the bus. Uncle Hien(5) comes along because Thang says he arranged for the bus. He is going to try to pay him for it. I don't know if he managed to do this.

The bus ride to the airport is uneventful except for the question about me enjoying the hair wash. At the airport Thang is in control and very stiff. Tran Anh gets emotional, cries a little and gives me a big hug. Thang checks in and only has a half hour until he must go inside the secure area. He hugs all the girls and the boys stand back. Before this many pictures are taken with various combinations of Thang and others. Soon Thang goes inside. And then I stay up stairs and all the party quickly depart down the escalator-waving goodbye as they go. Suddenly, I am alone and on my own for the first time of 17 days.

I find out that I am flying Pacific Air and cannot change from the 8:30 pm to the 6 pm Vietnam Air flight. It turns out to be good luck that I am not able to change the flight. The 6 pm Vietnam Air flight is delayed and my flight at 8:30 pm leaves before it does. The flight to Saigon is very Vietnamese with limited English and interesting local food.

I arrive in Saigon at about 10 pm. It is dark and confusing. At first I cannot figure out which direction to take out of the airport. I do exactly what I should not do. I take a scooter into District One to my old hotel. I am recognized immediately and after some haggling, but really very little, I get a third floor room with two double beds for $5.


Questions:

When you have been staying somewhere for a time is the departure from that place difficult or easy?
What factors made you feel it is either difficult or easy?
How should a person get ready for a departure?

[Edit by="rwalcott on Sep 9, 10:59:24 PM"][/Edit]
[Edit by="rwalcott on Sep 9, 11:01:57 PM"][/Edit]

I created a WORD Drawing file of the Nguyen residence at 46 Ngo Quyen Street. I tried to save it as an attachment but it failed to work. If anyone has a solution please let me know. [Edit by="rwalcott on Sep 10, 10:08:36 AM"][/Edit]

The Nguyen Residence at 46 Ngo Quyen, Go Dau: A Description

The residence frontage on 46 Ngo Quyen Street is about 18 feet wide. You enter a restaurant area through double doors. The restaurant is about 18 feet wide and 26 feet long. It has a counter at the right front side and a row of glass display cases against the left wall. From morning to early afternoon tables are arranged for customers in front around the counter. Later they are pushed to the right side so that motorcycles can be removed from street parking outside in front of the restaurant and stored inside on the left side at night.
To get to the residential units you walk through the restaurant to a stairwell that divides the entire building into approximately equal parts, the front street side and the back. In back of the stairwell you enter the quarters of Uncle Tu(12) that is open and has no door. First you enter a living/sleeping area that is 18 feet wide and 18 feet deep. Waking back through this area is a door into a kitchen that is 9 feet deep. To the left in the kitchen area is a door into the bathroom that measures about 9 by 6 feet. The other two living units above Uncle Tu duplicate this arrangement.
Proceeding up the stairwell you arrive at Uncle Tuan's(11) unit. The front of his unit is walled in with glass windows with a door to the right. As I mentioned the floor plan is exactly like Uncle Tu's.
One half flight further up the stairwell you reach Uncle Hung's(2) unit. This unit is in front of the residence and is occupied only by Uncle Hung and his family when they visit. Otherwise it is left vacant. It is situated above the restaurant and faces the street. It also is walled in with glass windows and has a door on the right hand side. You enter into a kitchen area with a bathroom on the left hand side. The Kitchen area is not outfitted for use and functions more as a storage area. The Bathroom, on the other hand, is nicely developed. Unlike the other units it has a bathtub installed at Uncle Hung's request. There is another door into the bedroom/living area that measures about 18 feet by 18 feet. This room is where Thang and all his cousins slept. The street side of this room has large windows and a door leading to a small balcony with a view of the street.
Proceeding up another half flight you reach the unit that I occupied. It is in back of the residence. Aunt Oanh(10) moved into this room when she arrived. It duplicates Uncle Tuan's quarters.
Proceeding up another half flight you reach the Family Shrine Room. It has a solid wall and entry door on the left. Entering this room the family shrine occupies the entire wall facing the stairwell. There is no kitchen or bathroom area, just one room approximately 18 feet by 18 feet. The street side of the room has a wall with large glass windows and a door on the left side leading to a large balcony. The balcony is as large as a kitchen and bathroom unit. The balcony has an elaborate roof covering the back portion and the front is open o the sky. Some potted plants grow there.
Proceeding up another half fight you reach a door leading to an open area which has a covered portion used to dry clothes. A large cemet water tank is located at the far side of this area. From here you can have a nice view of the town.
[Edit by="rwalcott on Sep 10, 10:05:49 AM"][/Edit]

I was so impressed with the beauty of Hanoi. There were big wide sweeping boulevards with lakes throughout the city. Much of the architecture was French Country Style that was inherited from the part the French played in their history. There were also many fantastic modern buildings. But the thing that impressed me most was the new construction that created a perimeter around the entire city. There was building site, after building site, of beautiful condominiums. The average price was $350.000. I questioned who was buying them since teachers earn about $100 to $170 a month. Obviously it must be foreign money but I found it very interesting.[Edit by="pdobkin on Oct 9, 3:00:03 PM"][/Edit]
[Edit by="pdobkin on Nov 13, 3:08:04 PM"][/Edit]

Most modern buildings that big ($350.000) are owned by some foriengers, however, businessmen in Vietnam can also afford them too. This is a communist country. the gap between the poor and the rich is huge. Buildings in Vietnam, whether in Hanoi, Saigon, or Hue (central VN) coud be expenssive or cheap depending on the site and type of construction. However, not all the money comes from foriegn countries. Vietnamese make money from their own businesses too.
Although education is highly valued in Vietnam, Vietnamese grade school teachers are among the least paid job, even less paid than a person who is paid minimum wage here. There isn't a guideline or pay scale for each job in Vietnam. Education is highly valued in Vietnam, yet it's pay is quite insulting. :-(

I was surprised first -at the amount of construction going on in Hanoi and secondly because, although these condominiums were so high priced. who was buying them?When I asked. at the University, was told that foreign money were the people coming in to do this. I loved Vietnam but was also surprised at the disparity between the rich and the poor in a Communist country. Education is highly prized but was also told that teachers must tutor to help bridge the gap in their salary and living expenses. I was also quite surprised to see the amount of capitalism that prevails.[Edit by="pdobkin on Nov 13, 3:22:12 PM"][/Edit]
[Edit by="pdobkin on Nov 13, 3:24:34 PM"][/Edit]